China claims Moon

China-moon2BEIJING – In a surprise move that stunned Western analysts, China has claimed the Moon.

During an outdoor press conference featuring brightly colored banners and elegant displays, Ministry of Foreign Affairs official, Luo Jian Guo, made the announcement to an amazed audience. “The Chinese people were the first civilization to look into the skies with intelligence and comprehend the Moon. Anyone with an acceptable education can understand the correctness of this statement. Therefore, it is only fitting and right that the Moon be held in the just and caring arms of it’s rightful owner, the People’s Republic of China,” he said. “We have filed our claim with the International Court of Justice as accepted by International Law, and we expect that the rights of the Chinese people and our traditional land will be respected.”

China has the third-most land area in the world behind Russia and Antarctica, but apparently this isn’t nearly enough for this nation of 1.3 Billion people. China is involved with many territorial disputes in the South China Sea region. The populous country’s most recent land claim involves the Senkaku Islands, presently owned by Japan. Western experts have watched carefully as tensions between the two Asian nations continue to escalate.

In fact, China actually claims the majority of the South China sea, which many countries in the region still dispute. “You don’t see India claiming the whole India Ocean, do you?” Says Henry Belcoe, professor of Asian Studies at UCLA. “And now they’re claiming the Moon? Seriously, those guys are smoking some seriously good opium. I only wish they would share.”

According to an article in the English version of Pravda, China is presently embroiled in 20 different territorial claims in the Asian region. The article states, “Beijing believes that the Islands are called Diaoyu, and they belonged to China, but the malicious Japanese tricked the U.S. into giving them to Japan because after World War II the uninhabited archipelago was in the US jurisdiction.” Also stating, “[Chinese] diplomats supposedly jokingly hint to their Russian colleagues: you must understand that soon you will have to share the Far East?” More from the article is available here.

Following the announcement, the press conference featured an amazing display of dancers in elaborate costumes and acrobats in amazing feats of skill. An impressive presentation that only China can produce. We took a lot of pictures. Unfortunately, we can’t show them because, Chinese officials claimed our cameras.

Despite the loss, we kept busy. We spoke on the phone with Jenny Liu, American-born expert on Chinese sociology and author of the book, “China: Too Hungry for mere Pork Buns.” She pointed out that China may in fact have a valid claim on the Moon. “Chinese astronomers were far in advance of their European counterparts,” she says.

A quick check revealed that China may indeed have a claim based upon astronomy. According to the website,, they write the following, “China has a history of astronomical observation and record keeping that goes back more than 4000 years. Numerous objects and events were observed, noted, and interpreted by Chinese astronomers centuries before they first appeared in European records. In fact, China has a longer unbroken history of astronomical study than any civilization that has ever existed.” More is available from the article, here.

“It’s entirely possible that they made the first maps of the Moon’s features and cataloged it’s movements,” said Liu. Early Chinese astronomic maps might further strengthen China’s position. In other claims, China has used maps to back it’s territorial aspirations. In it’s dispute with the Philippines, both sides of the argument presented maps showing the Scarborough Shoals as proof that the uninhabited islands belong to them. China feels it has the stronger claim because it’s map was drawn as early as 1279 during the Yuan Dynasty, while the Philippines’ maps were published in 1734.

We were unable to talk more with Ms. Liu regarding China’s claim on the Moon. Chinese officials claimed our phones.

As the press conference concluded Mr. Luo thanked everyone and wished us well. Before he could leave the podium, another American reporter quipped, “Why stop with the Moon? Why not claim the stars as well?” Mr. Luo turned back and addressed the off-hand query saying, “All in good time.”

Though we enjoyed our stay in Beijing, our flight back to San Francisco was arduous. The flight is many hours long and difficult under even the best of conditions, but in our case we were unable to change into fresh clothes for the flight. China had claimed our baggage.

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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6 Responses to China claims Moon

  1. The Enzyme says:

    Surely this is a move to create a future monopoly on Helium-3.


    • Eagle Tech says:

      Makes sense doesn’t it? China has been obviously very concerned about future needs. Why not corner the market on future fusion fuel, even before fusion as a technology is ready. Now that’s thinking ahead!


  2. Shey says:

    Good read, very funny and engaging.


  3. Anonymous says:

    chinese claim respect for their tradition, yet they use a flag that represents the cultural revolution that led chinese to dessimate their own culture.


    • EagleAye says:

      I imagine their culture is doing just fine. Chinese are hard-headed enough that even Communism cannot dent it. The people of China should worry that their leaders are leading them down a dark road towards unnecessary war. Their Asian neighbors are weak, but the neighbors have very powerful friends.


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