Inventor Creates Counter-Gravity

LOCK HAVEN, PA – The world changed today in a way that cannot easily be measured. Jeffery Fordham, eccentric inventor in this little town of 9,700, successfully tested the first known counter-gravity unit to move a large object. His entire house.

“I heard this loud crashing sound and I looked over. His whole house was movin’ straight up, kinda slow like one of those rocket thingees,” said Dahlia Green, Fordham’s nearest neighbor. “It ain’t right to just up and leave like that without a proper goodbye. He waved at least. Then again he might’a been screamin’ fer help, it’s hard to tell.”

The power source for Fordham’s invention must have been self-contained because once the house lifted off, it severed all connections to terrestrial power. Experts believe that only a high-efficiency system could lift a large object without a tremendous amount of power. Stan Cooper, Professor of Engineering at Lock Haven University, said, “He was working with data from Russian scientist, Yevgeny Podkletnov, who claimed to have built a gravity shielding device. Not many in the scientific community actually believed Podkletnov. He said the experiments were repeated successfully, but others say no. Anyway Jeffery thought Podkletnov was really on to something, but thought the scientists wasn’t thinking the problem all the way through. I guess Jeffery was right. It’s a damn shame he never published his plans. All his documentation is in that house.”

Yevgeny “Eugene” Podkletnov first submitted a paper in 1992 that received little notice. In 1996, Robert Matthews revealed that scientists in Finland would reveal details of the world’s first antigravity device. While this should have secured Podkletnov’s place in history, a series scientists and organizations backing away from his research caused the initial excitement to fizzle, then fade. Boeing was supposedly attempting to duplicate his results, but even Boeing claimed no interest in the project. More information is available here.

When Fordham’s house reached 24,000 feet a passing passenger jet narrowly missed the wayward building. Shocked passengers aboard the plane took pictures and we present one of them to you here. “You always hear stories about a house in the clouds,” said Stewardess Jamie Mueller. “I never thought I’d actually see one. I just wonder what kind of in-flight meals he has. ” Pilot Jack Harkness was less impressed. “The guy didn’t file a flight plan or anything. He didn’t even contact us on radio to let us know he was out there. Can’t say much for his piloting skills. I hate working with amateurs.”

Tracking systems at Cape Canaveral Florida picked up the flying house and have tracked it ever since. At last report, the house is passing the Moon’s orbit and heading directly towards the sun. American shuttles have been grounded so no available vehicle can rescue Fordham or his documentation. We can only salute a brilliant mind and wish that he installed an off switch.