Giant Mosquitos and Tall Tales

Gallinipper

PALM BEACH COUNTY, FL – A giant mosquito, known as the Gallinipper, is expected to infest this Florida county this year. These goliath blood-suckers, called “Gallinipper” because it can nip a gallon of blood, are 20 times larger than their normal-sized cousins. Gary Goode at PBCO Mosquito control quips that when it lands on you, “it practically breaks your arm.” An exaggeration? Perhaps. We spoke with some locals from the area who had tales to tell, big ones.

79-year old Edward Comfrey has lived in Florida for most of his life. He’s familiar with the Gallinipper and says to “stay the hell away from them.” During the following interview he explained why.

COMFREY: Guy’s name was Tom Swinton. Big guy, about six-foot which was tall for the time. He died one night and it was the Gallinippers what did it. He was walking across the creek about early evening, and that’s when about a thousand of those Gallinippers saw him. They swooped in and grabbed him, pulled him off the bridge and into the air.

MOMUS NEWS: That’s amazing. They have been huge.

COMFREY: They were bigger back in the day. Not like these puny things they got now.

MOMUS NEWS: So did they suck him dry in the air and then drop the withered corpse?

COMFREY: No, ol’ Tom was a fighter. He squirmed real hard, arms movin’ all over the place. He weren’t never still long enough for them to get a good bite on him. They must of got tired holdin’ him up so they dropped him from about two hundred feet in the air.

MOMUS NEWS: And that’s when he died?

COMFREY: No, he fell in the creek and swam to shore. He was kinda tired from all that fightin’ so he walked to the road to hitch a ride home. After a bit, a car came along and saw him, but it didn’t slow down. It accelerated. It was the Hitchins boys. They were losin’ to Tom in the moonshine business and they saw an opportunity to get rid of the competition. They decided to run him over.

MOMUS NEWS: And that’s when he died?

COMFREY: No, he dodged out the way and ran off into the woods. He figured he was close to the Johnson house and he thought to get a drink of water after all the excitement. Well now, Roberta-Mae Johnson always took a likin’ to Tom, especially since her husband weren’t half the man she thought he’d be, if you know what I mean. So when ol’ Tom showed up, she gave him some water and a whole lot more. Bill Johnson showed up while they were still in the middle of whoopee, and that’s when Bill started shootin’.

MOMUS NEWS: And that’s when he died?

COMFREY: No, ‘ol Tom started dodging around everywhere, trying to get away, which is real hard with yer pants around yer ankles. But not only did Bill not shoot too good, he couldn’t shoot a gun neither. After about three reloads, Bill couldn’t find anymore ammo, and that’s when Tom escaped. He walked all the way home. Hot and tired and thirsty again. He made it home safe and then he took a shower.

MOMUS NEWS: And then what happened.

COMFREY: That’s when he died. He slipped in the tub and hit his head, died instantly.

MOMUS NEWS: Amazing.

COMFREY: That’s why you gotta stay away from then Gallinippers. They’ll kill ya’ if you ain’t careful.

Magnolia Letreaux had this story to tell.

“My Grandmomma was a voodoo priestess. She moved to Florida to escape an enemy. She always thought she better guard herself in case that enemy hunted her down. So she kept a whole swarm of Gallinippers as pets. Nobody know how she done it, but she had total control a’ them. That was part’a her magic. Ever’body in the town was scared a’ her, and shunned her. But when they wanted a love potion or somethin’, they always go to her. Ever’body knew not to cross her front gate ’til they was invited, ’cause her pet Gallinippers would dive in and drink ’em dry before they could get back out the gate. She make ’em wait all day in the sun if they was mean to her, and wasn’t nuthin’ they could do about it.

“One day the tax man came sayin’ my grandmomma owed taxes. He didn’t listen when folks tol’ him to wait. He just waltzed right past the gate like he owned the place. It weren’t five minutes before there weren’t nuthin’ left a’ him but a beat up satchel and some shoes. Another tax man came and the same thing happen. Finally the police showed up to take her away. The Chief of Police was talking real tough from the fence and threatening her to come out or else. An’ that’s when he stuck half his foot over the property line. Grandmomma’s Gallinippers flew in and bit off the intrudin’ half a’ his foot. The Chief fell down screamin’, and that’s when the whole swarm flew up and hovered over those policemen. They were so many Gallinippers, they blotted out the sun. The police knew they was beat and they ran for their lives. Nobody ever bothered grandmomma again.”

So there you go. Gallinippers are dangerous. Reportedly even DEET doesn’t work so well and their bite is so painful it’s like being stabbed. So stay away from Gallinippers, Bridges, and Voodoo Priestesses.

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
This entry was posted in Animals, Interesting People, United States and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Giant Mosquitos and Tall Tales

  1. Hell, just stay away from Florida altogether. It’s okay, though. I’m guessing the killer bees will kill these buggers.

    Like

    • Eagle Tech says:

      Could go the other way too. Sounds like a SyFy channel movie. Gallinippers vs. Killer Bees. Or perhaps, Anaconda Shark vs. Gallinippers. Just make the lead character a hot babe running around in a tank top, and it will sell.

      Like

Don't be shy. Say something!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s