Real Man – Trifecta: Week Eighty-Eight

Written for Trifecta: Week Eighty-Eight. Story begins after the image.

Genre: Urban Fantasy/Humor

Real Man

It was normal that a former tech geek turned sorcerer would band together with a product of wild magic like Jake. What bothered Phil  was that nobody knew his hard drinking and talking, cigar smoking companion…was a raccoon. Phil’s sorcery allowed him to see Jake’s true shape, yet be perturbed by how no one noticed.

“Ain’t you the cutest thang!” Said the voluptuous bartender, Milly, to Jake. She caressed his paw. “I never see a real man like you around here anymore, since the demon came.”

“I’ll bet you don’t.” muttered Phil.

“It’s takes a vixen like you to know,” said Jake with his characteristic Boston accent.

As Molly poured another Johnny Walker for Jake, Phil said, “What about that demon?”

“Yup,” said Milly. “Drove all the customers away, ‘cept Jake here.” She beamed.

“When does it appear?”

“Whenever someone says, ‘Hey Bartender’ three times.”

“Only three?” Complained Jake.

Phil poured salt in a circle and stood in the middle. “Hey Bartender, Hey Bartender…”

“Don’t!” Screeched Milly.”

“…Hey Bartender.”

A burst of light and heat heralded the arrival of the demon. It’s horns were aflame and scorpion tails lashed from it’s shoulders. “Prepare to die, Mortal!” It bellowed.

“Jake…Jake, where are you?”

From behind the bar Jake said, “Pouring a drink before I die. What else?”

“Throw me my satchel, Jake.”

Jake grabbed the satchel while Milly guarded him with an upraised bottle. “Not the Laphroaig Scotch,” admonished Jake, handing her a bottled water. He threw the satchel to Phil.

Phil removed a blowgun from the satchel and loaded a dart.

“No weapon of man can harm me,” roared the demon. Vainly it lashed at Phil’s magic circle, unable to break it.

“This one isn’t,” noted Phil. He fired and the dart struck the demon’s chest. The demon screamed as it exploded into a cloud of soot.

“Oh Jake,” squealed Milly, mashing Jake’s face to her breast. “You killed it!”

“Mmmph!” replied Jake.

Covered in soot, Phil quipped, “Yeah, he’s a real man.”

This week’s Trifecta writing challenge in to use the third definition of Band (3: to gather together : unite) in a story between 33 and 333 words long. Original writing prompt may be found here:

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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14 Responses to Real Man – Trifecta: Week Eighty-Eight

  1. Cobbie's World says:

    This is a great, rollicking, reeling tale! I loved the opening with Phil being disgusted by Jake’s lack of recognition as a raccoon. That, what I just typed sounds so ridiculous but, in the context of your story makes so much sense, is a tribute to your skill in crafting such a great story. Thanks for linking up this week with such a rippin’ yarn!


  2. Indira says:

    Wonderful and amusing story.


  3. Gina says:

    I skipped all along the way with this fun, light (to me) tale. Wonderfully woven! Fun, fun!!!


  4. Kir Piccini says:

    The first line made me chuckle and then took me along for the ride of this very creative and funny piece.

    Being a real man is hard work, obviously. 😉

    Thank you for linking up this week.


    • EagleAye says:

      I’m glad you got a chuckle. I was hoping for that. And yes, it’s hard work being a “real man.” A steady hand while pouring the whiskey under fire is crucial! 😉

      And thank you for coming to visit.


  5. Lyn says:

    Oh boy, this was so good! You had me grinning from ear to ear. I loved that Jake was concerned that Molly was protecting him with a bottle of Laphroaig Scotch.


    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Glad to hear it. I was wondering if someone would comment on the Laphroaig bit. Glad to see our cousins across the waters never miss a trick.

      Phil and Jake are also return characters. They are old friends I’ve written quite a bit about, in a writing site. It was fun to say hello to them again, and I’m glad you got a kick out of them. Expect to see them again.



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