Almighty News – Alastair’s Photo Fiction

Written for Alastair’s Photo Fiction. Story begins after the photo.

Genre: Speculative Fiction
Word Count: 300

Copyright: Alastair Forbes

Almighty News

HEAVEN – Almighty News correspondent, Seraphim Marcosian reporting.

This morning, The Lord admitted seven hikers into Heaven. The group planned to enjoy the peace and tranquility of a mountainside for a month, living off the land and enjoying nature’s bounty. A nearby volcano erupted and covered the group in searing ash. All perished instantly during acts of enjoying The Lord’s creations.

While their admission is a happy occasion, this is the first such occurrence in the past eight weeks. What’s interesting is the frequency of large time spans between heavenly admissions is increasing.Β  I spoke with Director of Admissions, St. Peter, to ask why.

AN: Why did this group enter Heaven?
St. Peter: Well, they spent a lot of time enjoying The Lord’s creation. That’s the greatest worship of all.
AN: But they must have been especially sinless to be admitted.
St. Peter: No. They were pretty average sin-wise. The Lord just knew they would be happy in Heaven.
AN: What do you mean by that?
St. Peter: Well, most folks could make it into Heaven, but they don’t like it. Heaven is like a pristine Earth. That means there’s dirt and insects. There’s no highways, no cellphone coverage, no internet, no microwave meals. People actually cook their food. A lot of folks hate that.
AN: What happens to them?
St. Peter: Oh, we just send them to Hell. There’s internet with Facebook bullies, and tasteless instant meals. They’ve got cellphones you can’t escape from and reality TV shows with contestants bickering all the time. I guess that’s comfortable for many people, so they’re happier in Hell.

St. Peter tells me it’s no sin to play computer games all day and never climb a tree. You may not make it to heaven, but then expect business as usual in the afterlife.
________________________________

Each week, Alastair Forbes presents an original photo and we are all invited to write 100-200 words (400 if The Muse strikes especially hard) from the photo prompt. Anyone can join the creative explosion. Here’s the original prompt: http://alastairsphotofiction.wordpress.com/2013/09/08/photo-fiction-september-8th-2013/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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14 Responses to Almighty News – Alastair’s Photo Fiction

  1. Alastair says:

    HAHA! That’s brilliant πŸ˜€

    Like

  2. nightlake says:

    lol. really very humorous:) If this is hell, many ppl would want that. Who is this correspondent reporting to and who is watching his news show?

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. It’s funny how people willingly place themselves in to hell. The correspondent is reporting live from Heaven and folks in Heaven are watching it. Except they don’t have TVs. It’s broadcast on the side of a cloud. πŸ˜‰

      Like

  3. Indira says:

    Very brilliant and humorous and confusing, where to go?

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Thank you much. For me, it’s easy. I’ll take Heaven, but I’d miss blogging and writing. Maybe Heaven will upgrade and permit inspirational and humorous blogs. The choice would be easier then.

      Like

  4. pattisj says:

    Love this! We make our own Heaven or Hell on earth every day, don’t we?

    Like

  5. Joe Owens says:

    I am glad we can look forward to the peace. A funny addition E.A.

    Like

  6. RoSy says:

    Oh dear – I gotta’ learn to cook!

    Like

  7. List of X says:

    Sooo… if there’s dirt and insects in Heaven, there’s probably bacteria and viruses, malaria, dysenthery, yellow fever, and other fun stuff. And I guess that since it’s Heaven, you can’t die from any of that, so you’d probably get sick and if you can’t recover, you just stay sick forever. No, I’m definitely going to Hell then – at least bacteria and viruses can’t survive the heat in Hell..

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      This is the choice of many. In Heaven, there is bacteria and viruses. You just don’t ever get sick from them. There’s mosquitoes too but their bite doesn’t hurt.

      People eat meat there, but I haven’t figured out how that’s handled. If an animal dies in heaven, where does it go? Maybe it just reincarnates, as itself.

      You can pick whatever you like. St. Peter made that clear. So if you choose Hell, things won’t be terribly different from what there are now.

      Like

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