The Wonderful Wolfen

Written for the “Okay, What If” writing challenge. A story about acceptance begins after the image.

Genre: Urban Fantasy/Humor
Word Count: 1111

Art by: Maglot

The Wonderful Wolfen

Life took a turnaround when magic returned to the world in 2014, The Mayan calendar was wrong. Somebody forgot to carry the two. The world did end as they predicted, but it was the world of weak magic that ended. The world of strong magic rose again. Magic spells that were previously a mere oddity, suddenly worked. Across the world, ordinary people starting doing magic. People started posting their exploits on Youtube. Spells for body modification flooded the internet blogs. Folks walked around with real horns and tails and functioning wings. Trouble was, people hadn’t honestly tried magic in 1000 years. There were mistakes, and like anything else on the internet, people didn’t always verify before posting.

I decided to give the body modification thing a try. I was tired of getting pushed around and bullied. At 5’9″ and 155 pounds, I got a lot of that. People always ignored me unless the topic was computers. I wanted more acceptance, you know? I wanted Karen, the receptionist, to finally go out with me after asking her 9 times. So I did an internet search and dug until I found a blog titled, “Be a Werewolf – Reversible at will.”

It looked awesome. The guy had pics of himself as a werewolf, on the beach with sunglasses on. Hot babes were taking pics with him. He’s dunking a basketball (always wanted to do that). And then he had a vid of himself changing into a wolf and into to a man, back and forth. So cool. I could be a badass wolf whenever I wanted and simply change back whenever. Best of both worlds.

So I did it. I collected the simple ingredients, and did the spell during a full moon. *poof* I became a werewolf. I was so jazzed. I grew to 8 feet tall and 450 lbs of solid muscle with claws that could cut steel. That night, I started 20 fights with only 2 takers, and those guys were UFC fighters. I trounced them. Easy breezy. It was a heady feeling until the morning.

I couldn’t change back to human. For hours I tried and nothing happened. I called in sick at work and tried some more. It went on for days. I researched the internet and tried various reversal spells. Nothing worked. On the third day, I found it. The original post that wizbang3318 copied and presented as his own. Jackass probably never tried it. It wouldn’t be a big deal except when he copied and pasted into his blog, he missed this part:

The final ingredient is 1 cup of Ginger. This mundane root is critical to the whole spell. Without it, the subject cannot revert back from Wolf form, ever. No reversal is possible.

I was stuck as a wolf, permanently. This presented a LOT of problems. I tried to go into work but they wouldn’t let me in. I showed them my mag card with picture ID, but sadly, I didn’t look like my pic anymore. I was effectively fired. I couldn’t go into the mall. The security guard kept saying, Sorry, sir. No dogs allowed.” Really? Do I look like any dog you’ve ever seen? I could’ve snapped his neck with a flick of my fingers. I guess I’m still a geek at heart.

Turned out most businesses wouldn’t let me in. They kicked me out of freakin’ McDonalds for criminy’s sake. Oh, but they served other body mods with horns and gills flapping around, no problem. I started on this whole venture looking for more acceptance, and now I had less than ever! At least I wasn’t the only one. Thousands of folks across the country were caught in the same trap. All stuck as a wolf. When mistakes are made on the internet, they propagate, fast.

We formed a support group. Six of us met once a week at the Witches Brew bar, the only place that would serve us. We liked to think of ourselves as Wolfen instead of Werewolves, since we couldn’t change back. Think it’s a coincidence that all the Wolfen were formerly geeks? Yeah me neither. Imagine a pack of giant wolves having this conversation:

“You know it’s weird, but even silver bullets didn’t work against me,” said Phillip.

“How do you know it was silver?” said Harold.

“I tested it, of course.”

“You can’t just look at it. It might be antimony.” James rolled his eyes.

“Who uses antimony in a bullet?” demanded Gary.

“I tested it with my Young Teens Chemistry Set,” grated Phillip.

“Oh, okay.”

“Is it the Pro version? That one’s better.”

Just then, a guy burst through the doors and screamed, The Rhinotaur is coming! It’s smashing up the whole city!”

Of course, the guys had to geek out.

“It’s Minotaur, you dolt.”

“Yeah, three dice damage, six defense.”

“Read The F’ing Manual, dude.”

Then we heard the explosions and gunfire. We dashed out of the bar and, sure enough, the guy was right. It was fifteen feet tall with limbs like trees. The giant Rhino head on top bellowed with rage. It swung a double-headed axe the size of a kitchen table at a cop car and hurled the vehicle across the street, through a building. The beast spat a stream of fire that blew up a tanning salon.

“I like the fire-breathing touch.”

“Acid does more dice damage,” corrected Phillip.

An Army attack chopper flew in firing 30mm cannon rounds. Like most magical creatures, the Rhinotaur just shrugged them off. Cops were firing from all directions to no effect. Steadily, it drew closer to the Witches Brew. “Guys,” I shouted. “It gets any closer, it’ll smash our bar. Our home!”

That got them going. We charged ahead as a pack. We lept upon it, biting and clawing. Our fangs and claws were magical and allowed us to pierce the tough magical hide of the Rhinotaur. Our immense strength drove the wounds deep. It swung it’s axe at us, but we were too fast. We fought like wolves, biting and releasing, then grabbing and pulling. Eventually, the creature bled out and succumbed. It was over in minutes. We stood up from the corpse to the cheers of police and onlookers. We were heroes!

Saving a whole city changes things. We finally gained the acceptance we all craved from the beginning. We could go anywhere, eat anywhere, and it was all on the house. People shook our paws wherever we went. We were “The Wonderful Wolfen” and everybody wanted to be like us. The Wolfen body mod became the most popular in history. I got my job back, and Karen the beautiful receptionist, changed her mind about me.

Turns out, she’s a dog lover.

_______________________________________

Each week, the “Okay, What If” blog presents an exciting and new writing challenge for imaginative minds. No word limit. Woohoo! This week: What if you could creaturefy yourself: Here’s the original writing prompt: http://okaywhatif.com/2013/10/28/what-if-you-creature-fied-yourself-halloween-writing-challenge/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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17 Responses to The Wonderful Wolfen

  1. iamfunny2 says:

    I was all excited about magic coming back into the world and the possibilities and then I got to the end and the Rhinotaur. I thought, ummm… maybe it’s not such a good thing. Had a lot of fun reading this story. I think you may have just created a whole other world of story possibilities. Thanks for linking up to the challenge.

    Like

  2. Pat(ricia) says:

    Great post and interesting twist to the challenge. Liked the play of elements and the added bonus of the Rhino/Minotaur business. Well done and fun to read. πŸ™‚

    Like

  3. That was a fun one! Nice wolf story, dude!

    Like

  4. technophile9 says:

    I love it! The idea of 2014 being the ‘return of magic’ was a really good idea, and the post was pretty well written too… πŸ™‚

    Like

  5. This was very well written. It was interesting and amusing and quite well-paced. The dialogue among the geek wolfen was great – a bunch of wannabe cool entities, who were really dorks stuck in giant dog suits. I think you could easily play with a modern world where magic has returned, especially given how superficial society has become.

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      So cool to hear your thoughts, Bill. I really really appreciate it. Longer pieces don’t usually get much attention and it’s hard to know if the intended goals came across or not.

      I think the clash of ancient magic with the superficial, info-overloaded people of today’s internet generation is a hilarious mix. My goal with this one was to highlight that clash.

      Thanks much for the kind words and the critique!

      Like

  6. Pingback: October writing challenge – The Winners! | Okay, what if ?

  7. Shey says:

    Awesome story, very enjoyable.

    Like

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