A Rude Guest – Write on Edge

Written for the Write on Edge writing challenge. A story about a man who would not listen to friendly advice begins after the photo.

Genre: Science Fiction

Photo by: Unsplash

A Rude Guest

“In here, sir,” said Ali as he pulled the tent flap open to the entryway.

Senator Praxmold threw off the native robe with a sneer. “God it stinks like that…animal.”

“It is called a Camel, sir.”

“I know what it’s called,” snapped Praxmold. “We couldn’t use  civilized tranportation?”

“Only the camels can reach the nomadic peoples of the stones.”

“Yeah fine. I don’t see how a bunch of ragheads know anything about making the most beautiful stones in explored space. I thought I would be touring the manufacturing facility.”

Ali looked askance and adjusted his turban. “It is a special process known only to the colonist bedouins of Abraxus III, sir. You will see very soon.”

Ali led Praxmold into the main tent where he was greeted enthusiastically by the Chieftain, Hijalma. They sat upon impossibly soft, velvet cushions. Native wines and honey meade were brought out, served by Hijalma’s beautiful three daughters. Praxmold was unimpressed and repeatedly complained about the heat.

Food arrived and Ali clapped his hands glee. “The dinner table of Chieftain Hijalma is the best in all Abraxus III. This is Koobideh*. Food fit for Kings.”

Praxmold poked at the meat with his finger. “Looks gross,” he said loudly. “How about a ham sandwich?”

Ali whispered in the silence that followed. “Abraxans are descended from Muslim peoples on Earth. They are the most gracious hosts, but they do not tolerate rude guests well. It is good to remember this.”

“Yeah, well I’m a fracking Senator,” he snapped, then turned to wink at Hijalma’s youngest daughter.

Ali spoke hurriedly in Arabic and smoothed ruffled feathers. Five women were brought forth, all in their mid-thirties, and each sang a song or recited a poem. Ali grinned and said to Praxmold, “You may pick one now.”

“Huh? Are you kidding? This is the best you’ve got?”

“Sir. They are not for sex, Let me explain…”

“Look, you ragheads clearly don’t know how a Junket works. You show me a good time with hot babes…” He paused to pull the youngest daughter into his lap. “…Like this one, and I clear your products through customs.”

The girl and squirmed away and fled the tent, screaming.

“Sir! You cannot touch the Chieftain’s daughter. She can never marry now!”

Praxmold wasn’t listening. He was more concerned about the Chieftain holding a curved sword at his neck.”


“Ali! Get me out of here!” Praxmold pulled on the chains that bound him to a wooden post. One with the deep tooth marks.

Ali looked at him with small sympathy. “Now you will know why Abraxus Stones are so rare. It is the chemical reaction of the human body inside the intestines of the Great Sand Snake. A stone is the snake’s waste. Thus, it requires a human sacrifice. You were supposed to select the sacrifice, but now, Chieftain Hijalma has selected YOU.”

“I’m a fracking Senator!

“Yes, but snake will still eat you. I did warn you not to be a rude guest.”

Abraxus Stone?

There’s a terrific group of writers attending the weekly Write on Edge writing prompts. Up to 500 words from an image or sentence prompt. Won’t you join us here: http://writeonedge.com/2014/02/writing-prompt-2014-week-6/

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
This entry was posted in Short Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to A Rude Guest – Write on Edge

  1. A.D. Everard says:

    I love the twist in this! Wonderful comeuppance. 🙂


    • EagleAye says:

      Thank you! He certainly had it coming, didn’t he? Thanks for stopping in and commenting. 🙂


      • A.D. Everard says:

        You really captured it! I actually began to shy away, thinking “Not sure this works for me” simply because of his character – I’m an author, you think I’d know better! You’d think I’d recognize a character over the writer! Then came the “gotcha” and I loved it! Perfect!



      • EagleAye says:

        Wow, thank you AD. When I thought of how the story would end, I had to create a character who’s deserving of that end. If he was merely annoying, a hideous demise would seem unfair. So yeah, the Senator was quite the foul beast. Glad the gotcha moment worked for you. I really appreciate the feedback. 🙂


      • A.D. Everard says:

        You’re welcome, mate. Cheers to you. 😀


  2. Indira says:

    This is mind blowing story. How you imagined that stone formation theory, superb. lol.


  3. List of X says:

    I like the story and the twist in the end, but the bloodthirstiness of your stories is beginning to worry me 🙂


  4. Lyn says:

    When are WordPress going to have a “Really, Really Liked” button. I can’t stand smarmy, slimy Senators of any persuasion. He’s lucky he’s going to be eaten by the snake, the results might just mean he will be something worthwhile for the first time in his life. Then again, he might just give the the snake indigestion and it will spew him out.


  5. A little edge-a-macation with your dark story. The senator was a rude SOB for sure. Great voice you gave him.


  6. Shey says:

    Never be rude especially when koobideh is involved. 🙂


Don't be shy. Say something!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s