Written for the Trifecta writing challenge. A story about unusual problems begins after the image.
Genre: Urban Fantasy/Humor
The Trouble With Sal
The door of the Blinkered Pub opened and a man with four-foot antlers shambled in, looking forlorn. A hush fell over the pub regulars at the incredible sight.
He plopped onto a bar stool. Barry, the bartender walked over and said what everyone in the bar wanted to say. “Hey Sal. You’re not your usual happy-go-lucky self. What gives?”
Sal accepted the already-prepared Martini. “I’m in a funk, Barry,” said Sal. “I’ve had it with these stupid antlers. I can’t get a date!”
“Aha! So you’re finally ready to do this?” said Barry.
“I think I am.”
“Don’t you do it!” said Jacquie, running up with her drinks tray. “Sal, your antlers are beautiful! Celebrate your uniqueness.”
“A load of hippy crap.” said Barry.
“I’m doin’ him a favor!”
“Oh sure, like that girl you hooked him up with. What happened with that?”
Jacquie sighed at the floor. “She still won’t talk to me.”
“Did you warn her?”
“Well…I said he had some good points.”
“Sure, Mr. Smartguy. What about that nympho you hooked him up with?”
Sal facepalmed. Barry picked at a speck on the bar. “Ah…I think she joined a convent.”
“Uh huh. What did you tell her?”
“I…ah…said he really brought the wood.”
Sal tossed down the rest of his drink. “Let’s do this Barry. Let’s just get it over with.”
“You’ll be sorry,” yelled Jacquie as Barry escorted Sal into the back.
Twenty minutes later Sal returned to the bar with no antlers. “I feel like a new man!” he shouted, and he sipped a new drink.
Right then, the pub door opened and a gorgeous woman walked in. She sat down and covered her face, sobbing gently.
“Hey miss,” said Barry. “You alright?”
She said, “It’s…it’s just stupid.”
“What is? Tell me.”
“People always laugh when I tell them.”
“I promise not to laugh. Sal, will you laugh?”
“Not in a million years!”
“Okay,” she said. “It’s just that…I’m only attracted to men with antlers!”
This week’s Trifecta writing challenge uses the third definition of “funk.” Stories must be between 33 and 333 words long. Join the fun here: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2014/02/trifecta-week-112.html