The Trouble With Sal – Trifecta

Written for the Trifecta writing challenge. A story about unusual problems begins after the image.

Genre: Urban Fantasy/Humor

The Trouble With Sal

The door of the Blinkered Pub opened and a man with four-foot antlers shambled in, looking forlorn. A hush fell over the pub regulars at the incredible sight.

He plopped onto a bar stool. Barry, the bartender walked over and said what everyone in the bar wanted to say. “Hey Sal. You’re not your usual happy-go-lucky self. What gives?”

Sal accepted the already-prepared Martini. “I’m in a funk, Barry,” said Sal. “I’ve had it with these stupid antlers. I can’t get a date!”

“Aha! So you’re finally ready to do this?” said Barry.

“I think I am.”

“Don’t you do it!” said Jacquie, running up with her drinks tray. “Sal, your antlers are beautiful! Celebrate your uniqueness.”

“A load of hippy crap.” said Barry.

“I’m doin’ him a favor!”

“Oh sure, like that girl you hooked him up with. What happened with that?”

Jacquie sighed at the floor. “She still won’t talk to me.”

“Did you warn her?”

“Well…I said he had some good points.”

“Aha!”

“Sure, Mr. Smartguy. What about that nympho you hooked him up with?”

Sal facepalmed. Barry picked at a speck on the bar. “Ah…I think she joined a convent.”

“Uh huh. What did you tell her?”

“I…ah…said he really brought the wood.”

“Ha!”

Sal tossed down the rest of his drink. “Let’s do this Barry. Let’s just get it over with.”

“You’ll be sorry,” yelled Jacquie as Barry escorted Sal into the back.

Twenty minutes later Sal returned to the bar with no antlers. “I feel like a new man!” he shouted, and he sipped a new drink.

Right then, the pub door opened and a gorgeous woman walked in. She sat down and covered her face, sobbing gently.

“Hey miss,” said Barry. “You alright?”

She said, “It’s…it’s just stupid.”

“What is? Tell me.”

“People always laugh when I tell them.”

“I promise not to laugh. Sal, will you laugh?”

“Not in a million years!”

“Okay,” she said. “It’s just that…I’m only attracted to men with antlers!”
________________________
This week’s Trifecta writing challenge uses the third definition of “funk.” Stories must be between 33 and 333 words long. Join the fun here: http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2014/02/trifecta-week-112.html

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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23 Responses to The Trouble With Sal – Trifecta

  1. Ally says:

    Oh Deer! This did make me laugh πŸ™‚

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time and perfect for the Trifecta Challenge!

    Enjoyed

    Ally

    Like

  2. Lyn says:

    I guess he won’t have to go stag anymore. If only he’d waited five more minutes. How do you manage to think these stories up Eric, I’ve never been disappointed with one of yours.

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Yup. No more “stag parties” for him. πŸ˜‰ He seriously missed his chance with the newcomer. I think he ended up pounding his head on the bar. I don’t know where these stories come from, but they sure are fun to imagine! Thanks for stopping in, Lyn!

      Like

  3. tnkerr says:

    …and he froze, staring at her like a deer in the headlights.
    Awesome story.

    Like

  4. theinnerzone says:

    This is really good. Enjoyed reading it.

    Like

  5. TNT says:

    This story was a lot of fun! Well written, structured nicely, with great characters. The banter was realistic. Perhaps I could see that twist coming, but the premise was so original, that no..I didn’t see it coming at all. Great work.

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Thank you, TNT! I’m glad you had fun. That’s the whole idea. I think the ending was a bit predictable, but so long as it’s enjoyable, I’m happy. Thanks so much for your detailed comments. I really appreciate that!

      Like

  6. Indira says:

    What a funny story, loved it.

    Like

  7. KymmInBarcelona says:

    Wouldn’t you know! Like the minute you light up a smoke the bus comes. lol

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Whenever the bud was late, I used to light one up just to get it there faster. It’s amazing how often worked. Thanks for stopping in to visit and thanks for your thoughts!

      Like

  8. Even though I had a feeling what this woman;s thing might be, you still had me laughing out loud. I think whenever I’m in a funk I need to wander through your mind and it would cheer me up! Thanks for sharing!

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      I think it’s good when you still laugh even though you see the punchline coming. πŸ™‚ C’mon by visit my head whenever you need a laugh. I’ll leave the door unlocked.

      Thanks for your wonderful comments, and thanks for reading!

      Like

  9. Pingback: My World: My Stories – Utopian Funk (Trifecta Challenge) | Dibbler Dabbler

  10. Chyina says:

    Hehehe, I love this story! I wish I could write funny things, but my funny doesn’t come with a script, it usually just happens. Hence why I never became a stand up comedian. To be honest at the end (contrary to TW) I thought she was going to say she had a deer tale or something similar to what Sal had. Great work!

    Like

    • EagleAye says:

      Well that’s great. I’m happy to catch people unaware, especially when it makes folks laugh. It’s the end result that matters. If you at least get a good chuckle, no matter how you got there, I’m happy. Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing your wonderful thoughts!

      Like

  11. H.L. Pauff says:

    Ha, good one! Embrace who you are

    Like

  12. Shey says:

    Time to cement the antlers back. LOL

    Like

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