Written for the Daily Post: If I Ruled the World. The idea is, if you’ve been given the superpower to change one law of nature, what would you change? This is my account of how that would go.
The Safest Law
It was a lovely day on C Street and I was sitting outdoors at the little tables in front of Utopia Cafe, when HE showed up.
His eyes were unusually large and his skin had a yellowish cast to it. I took in his expensive gray suit and figured him to be a lawyer, which would explain his skin. He sat at my table without a word of introduction. I took a sip of my jasmine-orange tea and waited to see what he would do as he rifled through his briefcase. Finally he produced a business card and placed it before me. “Pontius Piltdown,” he said. “I represent, CULL.”
“Council of Universal Laws Lawyers.”
I knew it! Lawyer. I sipped more tea. “What’s that?”
“We manage the Universal Laws of course. I’m here to inform you that Humanity has been granted a one-time opportunity to rewrite a Universal Law, for the course of one day. You have been selected as Humanity’s representative.”
“You say ‘humanity’ as though you weren’t a part of it.”
“Did I mention I’m a lawyer?” He sniffed. “As it happens, I’m not human at all. I’m a Universal Lawyer.”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh huh, and here I left my tinfoil hat at home.”
“You have doubts? I’ll prove it.” He looked over at a nearby parking lot where a Humvee H2 was taking up two parking spots. Green rays shot out his eyes and blasted the Humvee to smithereens.
I smiled. “Okay, you’re alien. A beneficial one too. So how does this Universal Law thing work?”
Pontius smiled. It was kinda scary to look at. “Pick a natural law, any law, and we’ll suspend it for one Earth day. Although, I wouldn’t recommend any primary laws, like gravity, for instance.”
“What’s wrong with cancelling gravity? Folks could fly to work and back.”
“Yes, but the very atoms that make you up would lose their bonds and all humanity would turn to ooze. Your sun, which is an ongoing fusion explosion, would no longer be held in check by gravity and it’s nuclear fires would scorch the Earth into oblivion in 8 minutes 20 seconds.”
“Oh, that’s bad. Speed of Light?”
Pontius winced. “Since the Speed of Light is intertwined with Time and Space, you’d likely cause the dissolution of the entire Universe.”
“Another baddie,” I sighed.
“Lesser laws like Corry’s Law are better.”
“‘Paper is always strongest at the perforations.'”
“Oh I get it. Like Murphy’s Laws.”
“Yes, except the only Universal Law I can’t suspend is Murphy’s Law.”
“Murphy has all the best lawyers.”
“Oh, okay. I would like to change the law that says males and females can never understand each other.”
Pontious hissed and turned pale. “I don’t recommend that.”
“Why not? Wouldn’t that bring a lot of peace to the world?”
He pulled out an extremely thin data pad and activated the screen. He pressed a few keys and images began to flow across it. “This is a simulator that will show what happens when certain universal laws are rescinded.” The screen showed an anchorman delivering the news.
India responded to the nuclear destruction of Mumbai by launching a nuclear strike on Islamabad. The newly re-started war between Honduras and El Salvador has now reached a death count of 80,000. Israeli tanks are advancing on Port Said, Egypt. China has expelled the Russian Ambassador and is now mobilizing 60 army divisions and positioning them at the Siberian border.
“What the heck? How can this be?” I spluttered.
Pontious looked at me as though I were a particularly slow student. “The Universe depends on a balance of opposing forces to maintain it’s existence: Yin and Yang, Predator and Prey, Good and Evil.”
“I get it, like Progress and Congress.”
“Exactly! You see, often times the only thing that keeps a world leader from attacking his neighbor is knowing his wife’s opposition to the idea. If men and women started agreeing all the time, it could result in worldwide war!”
“So, which one? Corry’s Law?”
“It seems safest.”
The prompt for this daily post can be found here: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/if-i-ruled-the-world/