Diary Of A Newborn
My parents are all excited. They’re calling today my birthday already. Sheesh! Such sentimentalists.
They keep hanging around my crib all the time wearing these silly smiles. What’s that about? I’m tryin’ to sleep! And then, when I need my diaper changed, where are they? I mean it takes almost 5 seconds from when I cry ’til they arrive. That’s like, FOREVER! Who’s running this joint after all?
And when it’s nighttime and comfortable, and any SANE person knows that’s the time to be wide awake and active, my parents are sleeping. Why do they have it all backwards? Before I came here everybody said it’s really crazy here. Now I see what they meant!
To cap it all off, my parents are seriously into photography. That means they’re always aiming these huge black tubes at me. I still don’t know what to think of that.
They really got out of hand today with the camera-thingees, because today’s my birthday and stuff. Whatevers. So while I’m minding my own business and trying to sleep, they keep dressing me up these kooky costumes. It’s indoors, so their flashes are going off for the longest time. I’m talking minutes here! YOU try sleeping through all of that.
They keep giggling and grinning like this is great fun. Well, you just laugh it up, folks. When I turn two, I’m getting my revenge!
Okies. I’m pooped. I’m getting some sleep with my very special blanket. I call her, Mom.