The Six-Million Pound Dove – Sunday Photo Fiction

Photo by Alastair Forbes

The Six-Million Pound Dove

Stan rubbed his beak passionately against hers. “My darling!” he cooed. “I’ve missed you so much!”

Patrice fluttered her feathers with excitement. “Oh, I’ve missed you too, Ducks!”

The doves rubbed necks together for a moment. “You feel so good, Patty.” He fluttered above her, preparing to engage. “I want you so much!”

Patrice stepped away. “Not now, Stan.”

“But M’love! We’ve got little time together before Mr. McCallaugh arrives to chase us away with his broom.”

“I know. But there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What?”

“You know you turned my life around after…the accident.”

“You never talk much about it.”

“I know.” Patrice scratched at some seeds. “It was awful, Stan. After I left the hospital I was so lost.”

“I remember. That’s when I dove into the stove hidden in the cove and met a dove I could love.”

“Yes! My heart hove to when faced with love from a dove like you!” Patrice sighed. “But…the accident changed me. Stan I’ve been keeping secrets from you.”

Stan bobbed his head confidently. “Doesn’t matter. What ever it is, we’ll work through it.”

“Stan,” moaned Patrice. “I work for MI-6.”

“Ohmigod! You’re kidding. How long?”

“I was working for BAE Systems testing miniature rocket packs. I crashed and nearly died in the accident. Then MI-6 put me back together again. I’ve worked for them since then.”

Stan cocked his head. “So you work for the government. Big deal!”

That’s when Mr. McCallaugh rounded the corner cursing and waving his broom. “Get out, ye scallawags, ye Flying Rats! Off with ye!”

This was entirely too much for Patrice who was already stressed. She flew up, grabbed the broom, and this little dove yanked the broom out of McCallaugh’s hands. She began chasing him across the garden, whacking him with it. Patrice bellowed, “we’re trying *whack* to have *whack* an important conversation *whack* if you don’t mind!”

After driving off McCallaugh, she landed beside Stan. “Now you know the truth. After the accident, they made me faster, stronger, better than before. It cost six million pounds to give me bionic limbs.”

Staring at her wide-eyed, Stan said, “Well, you know what this means?”

Patrice drooped, anticipating the worst. “What?”

“It means I’ll never leave you, and I’ll never cheat.”

Patrice perked up. “Really?”

“Yep. Mostly because I love you, but also because I’m terrified to make you angry!”
__________________________
Author’s Notes:

– To my American colleagues: In England, “Ducks” is a term of endearment. I just couldn’t resist the irony of having Doves say that.
– “Pound” is the basic unit of currency in Britain. The title isn’t referring to a very heavy dove, rather an expensive one.
– BAE Systems is one of Britain’s largest defense contractors.
– MI-6 is the British foreign intelligence service, equivalent to the CIA.
– The Six Million Dollar Man was a TV series based on Martin Caidin’s book, “Cyborg.” Here’s the intro:

Written for Sunday Photo Fiction. Look here to see what other folks wrote based on this week’s photo: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2015/08/16/sunday-photo-fiction-august-16th-2015/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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27 Responses to The Six-Million Pound Dove – Sunday Photo Fiction

  1. Thanks for the footnote, that cleared some of it up for me. I remember the tv show, the Six Million Dollar Man. This story was great! I loved the ending and him telling her he was too afraid to do anything to make her angry (What woman wouldn’t want that? lol) Great story Eric and very funny!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ceayr says:

    Oh dear, oh dear.
    Groan and double groan.
    You really raked them up this week, didn’t you, EA?
    Very funny.
    But I don’t think anyone, even those bampots at MI-6, deserve to be described as CIA equivalents!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Yes, I think I did. I blame it all the beer I was drinking. It’s a craft brew (not that watery shite that most of us Americans drink). It’s called Thirsty Goat and it’s really quite strong. And I apologize if I’ve maligned the reputation of MI-6 by comparing them to the CIA. πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much, CE!

      Like

  3. Well, you’ve made that cute little bird into an IronDove. Although, with Iron Dove being a nickname for Chinese military CLC-1 mobile radar / jammer vehicle, I’m not sure if she’s really working for the MI6 – maybe she’s a double agent. After all, she managed to deceive her own partner… Great story, by the way!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Wow! You know your military hardware. I looked it up to confirm. And it’s a good point then; she might be working for the Chinese. Life is likely to be interesting for Stan no matter how it plays out. Glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks very much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. juliemc says:

    goodun. grin.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Shey says:

    Well, I’m glad he won’t cheat out of fear but of love. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  6. List of X says:

    Oh great. Now I’m finding out that not only the government is taxing us, spying on us, and makes all kinds of silly laws, it’s also literally crapping on us from above, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. luckyjc007 says:

    LOL’s. It’s always good if you can have dove on your side..especially a dove with bionic limbs.I’d say she is one high maintenance bird! However, Stan can just let the government take care of that…

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yep. She’s high maintenance, literally. πŸ˜‰ Stan will be fine as long as he stays true to her. And certainly no irate gardener will ever threaten him again! Thanks so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. Lyn says:

    I LOL at the vision of Patrice chasing Mr McCallaugh with the broom. Complete with the “whacks” interspersed with the “Do you mind!” You’ve done it again my friend πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  9. great little epoch you told here. I like the conversation. convincing dialogue.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. joetwo says:

    God! Now I am picturing Dublin’s feral pigeons with superpowers. Now that is a scary thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Okay, so I sounded like a complete idiot there. I am sitting alone in my room and laughed out loud. THis was awesome. You manage to surpass yourself every time. Brilliantly done Eric. I hope you are keeping these stories on disc as well. I have heard that some people have lost everything when something screwed up their profile.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Aw, that’s awesome. If you’re laughing out loud, I’m doing my job right. I’m not keeping these on disc though. I didn’t think anything could be lost. I might have to pick out favorites and save them. Thanks so much, Al! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Excellent.

        It was the day of the flypast today. I stood on my balcony for over an hour, and later found out that due to the weather, the Spitfires and Hurricanes peeled off early. I will see if some of the people who were there will allow me to borrow their shots though.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EagleAye says:

        Bummer! Well, they really have to protect those planes. They are a treasure. If you couldn’t get pics that’s okay. Maybe next time. I really appreciate it, though! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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