Toilet Paper – Friday Fictioneers

Photo by: Claire Fuller

Toilet Paper

The generation-ship had traveled through space for 772 years before they found him. Peter had rested in cryo-sleep for the entire duration before they revived him.

Human society aboard ship had changed.

Bel’Nuerte led Peter on a tour. “In these shelves,” he said, “We store the toilet paper.” He opened a shelf.

Peter gasped. He held up copies of “Huckleberry Finn” and “Animal Farm.” He roared, “These are books for reading!”

“We didn’t realize…,” stammered Bel’Nuerte.

Never wipe your butt with these. Learn from them!”

Bel’Nuerte held up book by Rush Limbaugh. He said, “Even this one?”

Peter’s face fell. “Okay. You can wipe your butt with that one.”
____________________________________
Each week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields supplies a Fictioneer-donated photo as a writing prompt for flash fiction. Look here to find how to add your own story, and see the stories others wrote based upon the photo prompt above: https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2015/08/26/28-august-2015/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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40 Responses to Toilet Paper – Friday Fictioneers

  1. joetwo says:

    The problem here is that your average paperback would be far too tough for comfortable toilet paper. As for laminated magazines, forget about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Too funny! πŸ™‚ But (or Butt) this brings to mind a story my mother tells. She lived through WWII as a child in a Catholic convent in occupied Paris. They didn’t have luxuries like toilet paper. She remembers using newspaper and even envelopes from letters her mother wrote to her. She was encouraged (by the nuns) to use the letters themselves, but she could not bring herself to use those precious letters from her mother to wipe away her, well, you know…so she used the envelopes–a sacrifice in itself. Amazing, huh?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My grandfather’s generation used newspaper for the same purpose during the Great Depression. Times were hard back then.

    On a more amusing note, there was a politician here in New Zealand who I didn’t think much of and I did wonder, at one point, about having a line of toilet paper printed with his face on it. But then I figured that even that was too good for him…

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      So interesting! A second personal story about toilet paper. What a fascinating can of worms I’ve opened here. With all the terrible news printed on newspapers during the Depression, I imagine papers were more useful as toilet paper. At least one found relief! And how lousy was this politician if poo on the face is to good for him? Then again, I guess that’s about par for the course for politicians! Thanks much, Matthew!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Danny James says:

    Totally agree!

    DJ

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lyn says:

    You sure know how to write the weird and the wonderful, Eric. Oh my, using books for that purpose is enough to break your heart. But after looking up who Rush Limbaugh is, I might make an exception in his case πŸ™‚ When I was a kid in the late 50’s, we used newspaper more than we used the real thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I know. That’s almost as bad as Fahrenheit 451.

      In the case of Rush Limbaugh, I’m still wondering how the man could so clearly have undergone a frontal lobotomy, and still talk so much. πŸ˜‰

      Thanks much, Lyn! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. List of X says:

    They should just be happy it wasn’t an e-book.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Eric,

    There are those little details that escape most sci fi movies and books but I shall avoid the subject of butt wiping entirely and say that I laughed out loud. Clever story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  8. micklively says:

    Very funny. There should be no shortage of loo rolls: Barbara Cartland, Jeffery Archer, EL James, Dan Brown, &c, &c…………..

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dale says:

    Such a sin! I can’t even throw them into recycling… then again, I have read my fair share of crap (pun totally intended)

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sadly, I’m sure drivel from Rush and probably Trump will last 700 years. Some trash will not compost.
    Tracey

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Indira says:

    What a funny story. But don’t know about ‘Rush Limbaugh’s book’, is it so bad? Enjoyed all comments also.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great story Eric and hilarious as usual! You sure do have a way with words! I love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. tedstrutz says:

    Oh my, Momus News has gone political… hahahahahahahahahahahahah!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. You made me laugh, thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. gahlearner says:

    One shortcoming of ebooks: they can’t serve dual purpose. Great, funny story. When I was a kid, in my grandma’s house cut-up newspaper was used. And it was not a water. For the kids, the soft paper oranges were wrapped in was collected.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Margaret says:

    Very funny. I started off travelling with you to the stars, and finished up much lower. I googled Rush Limbaugh, as I’d never heard of him, and may I say that both hemispheres seems to have a liberal sprinkling of such types. What a shame they get such huge followings.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      You’re right. Both ends of the political spectrum have their blowhards. The folks who will say anything to get TV time. I think they exist more for entertainment value rather than offering useful opinion. Glad you had fun with this. Thanks so much Margaret! πŸ™‚

      Like

  17. i b arora says:

    with advent of e-books etc don’t be surprised if one day p-books are used as envisioned in the story.

    Liked by 1 person

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