Photo by: Claire Fuller
Toilet Paper
The generation-ship had traveled through space for 772 years before they found him. Peter had rested in cryo-sleep for the entire duration before they revived him.
Human society aboard ship had changed.
Bel’Nuerte led Peter on a tour. “In these shelves,” he said, “We store the toilet paper.” He opened a shelf.
Peter gasped. He held up copies of “Huckleberry Finn” and “Animal Farm.” He roared, “These are books for reading!”
“We didn’t realize…,” stammered Bel’Nuerte.
“Never wipe your butt with these. Learn from them!”
Bel’Nuerte held up book by Rush Limbaugh. He said, “Even this one?”
Peter’s face fell. “Okay. You can wipe your butt with that one.”
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Each week, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields supplies a Fictioneer-donated photo as a writing prompt for flash fiction. Look here to find how to add your own story, and see the stories others wrote based upon the photo prompt above: https://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2015/08/26/28-august-2015/
EagleAye
Momus News 
The problem here is that your average paperback would be far too tough for comfortable toilet paper. As for laminated magazines, forget about it.
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And that’s another reason to be clear on what’s a book and what’s toilet paper. Such privations they endured on that ship! I think I might still use a laminated magazine, if Rush Limbaugh’s face were on it. 😉
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They would be much more useful as kindling. That laminate will go up like the dickens.
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Too funny! 🙂 But (or Butt) this brings to mind a story my mother tells. She lived through WWII as a child in a Catholic convent in occupied Paris. They didn’t have luxuries like toilet paper. She remembers using newspaper and even envelopes from letters her mother wrote to her. She was encouraged (by the nuns) to use the letters themselves, but she could not bring herself to use those precious letters from her mother to wipe away her, well, you know…so she used the envelopes–a sacrifice in itself. Amazing, huh?
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Wow! That really is an amazing story. Yet another story of what folks endured in ww2. I think I understand your mom’s feelings. I might do the same myself. Thanks so much for sharing! 🙂
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Hey, your story brought it to mind…thank you!
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My grandfather’s generation used newspaper for the same purpose during the Great Depression. Times were hard back then.
On a more amusing note, there was a politician here in New Zealand who I didn’t think much of and I did wonder, at one point, about having a line of toilet paper printed with his face on it. But then I figured that even that was too good for him…
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So interesting! A second personal story about toilet paper. What a fascinating can of worms I’ve opened here. With all the terrible news printed on newspapers during the Depression, I imagine papers were more useful as toilet paper. At least one found relief! And how lousy was this politician if poo on the face is to good for him? Then again, I guess that’s about par for the course for politicians! Thanks much, Matthew!
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Totally agree!
DJ
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Thank so much, Danny! 🙂
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You sure know how to write the weird and the wonderful, Eric. Oh my, using books for that purpose is enough to break your heart. But after looking up who Rush Limbaugh is, I might make an exception in his case 🙂 When I was a kid in the late 50’s, we used newspaper more than we used the real thing.
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I know. That’s almost as bad as Fahrenheit 451.
In the case of Rush Limbaugh, I’m still wondering how the man could so clearly have undergone a frontal lobotomy, and still talk so much. 😉
Thanks much, Lyn! 🙂
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They should just be happy it wasn’t an e-book.
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Yeah. Folding it in half could have mighty painful results. Might leave a scar. 😉
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Dear Eric,
There are those little details that escape most sci fi movies and books but I shall avoid the subject of butt wiping entirely and say that I laughed out loud. Clever story.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Laughter was the whole goal. Glad to hear it worked. Thanks kindly, Rochelle! 🙂
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Very funny. There should be no shortage of loo rolls: Barbara Cartland, Jeffery Archer, EL James, Dan Brown, &c, &c…………..
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No, not at all. Paris Hilton’s autobiography would also prove an effective and fitting cleanser. 😉 Thanks so much! 🙂
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Such a sin! I can’t even throw them into recycling… then again, I have read my fair share of crap (pun totally intended)
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I know! I’ve never thrown a book away. I’ve simply sold the extras off at the used book store. I’ve got my share of shite books too. So now…in an emergency… 😉 Thanks kindly! 🙂
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Hee hee…a friend was going to toss a whole bunch and I (stupidly) rescued them…
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Sadly, I’m sure drivel from Rush and probably Trump will last 700 years. Some trash will not compost.
Tracey
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True, but look at the bright side. You’d have a ready supply of toilet paper for that entire time! 😉
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What a funny story. But don’t know about ‘Rush Limbaugh’s book’, is it so bad? Enjoyed all comments also.
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Rush Limbaugh is a political hyper-conservative. He takes conservative ideas and carries them well past the bounds of reasonable thinking. He has some pretty scary ideas that he trots out to make people worry they’re in more danger than is true. I really hate his guts.
Anyway, glad you enjoyed the story. Thanks Indira! 🙂
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Thanks. It helps to understand and enjoy your story more. You are so busy but take out time to explain so kind of you.
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My pleasure, always. 🙂
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Great story Eric and hilarious as usual! You sure do have a way with words! I love it!
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Hehe. So good to hear that. I love the sound of laughter. Thanks kindly! 🙂
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Oh my, Momus News has gone political… hahahahahahahahahahahahah!
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Hehe. Even a fantasist can have political opinions. 🙂
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You made me laugh, thank you for that.
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Yay! Good to hear that. Laughs are my goal. Thanks back to you. 🙂
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One shortcoming of ebooks: they can’t serve dual purpose. Great, funny story. When I was a kid, in my grandma’s house cut-up newspaper was used. And it was not a water. For the kids, the soft paper oranges were wrapped in was collected.
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Ha! Another cool story. There seems to be theme here. No wonder Americans love their newspapers. 😉 Glsd you enjoyed this. Thanks much! 🙂
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😀 This was in Germany in the early Sixties. But we’ve caught up to civilization by now.
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Very funny. I started off travelling with you to the stars, and finished up much lower. I googled Rush Limbaugh, as I’d never heard of him, and may I say that both hemispheres seems to have a liberal sprinkling of such types. What a shame they get such huge followings.
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You’re right. Both ends of the political spectrum have their blowhards. The folks who will say anything to get TV time. I think they exist more for entertainment value rather than offering useful opinion. Glad you had fun with this. Thanks so much Margaret! 🙂
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with advent of e-books etc don’t be surprised if one day p-books are used as envisioned in the story.
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Very good point! P-Books take up a lot of space. If the world radically changes for the worst, we might actually see them used, inappropriately. 😉
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