The Freshest Tandoori

Photo by: Matthew Wright

The food stand at the town fair was most attractive. Mark eyed bottles of chutney, tandoori sauce, and curries. At one side of the stand the proprietor, Ajit, was selling plates of food. As a connoisseur of Indian food, Mark couldn’t resist, especially after seeing the sign that read:

Hottest Chutney in the world. Freshest Tandoori chicken in the world! A unique dining experience.

Mark paid and received his plate very quickly, too quickly. He grimaced at his plate of naan bread, salad, and tandoori chicken. He returned to the stand and held out his skewered piece of chicken. “It’s raw!” he accused Ajit. “Completely uncooked!”

“Yes, sir!” grinned Ajit. He pointed to the dollop of tomato chutney. “You must try the chutney.”

“Don’t distract me! The chicken is uncooked.”

Patiently, Ajit turned him away from the trees and other people. He positioned the raw chicken a foot from Mark’s mouth, then spooned the chutney dollop into Mark’s mouth.

Mark’s eyes watered first, then his hair smoldered. He burped, and three feet of flames erupted from his mouth, roasting the tandoori chicken instantly. He tasted the chicken and sighed.

“Good?” asked Ajit.

“Perfection!” enthused Mark. “I’ll take two more orders…and a fire extinguisher.”
____________________________
Written for Matthew Wright’s weekly Mega Short-story challenge. Look here for the original prompt: https://mjwrightnz.wordpress.com/2015/09/22/this-weeks-mega-short-story-challenge-10/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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13 Responses to The Freshest Tandoori

  1. joetwo says:

    You can use it as a defence mechanism . Sell them far and wide.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Excellent twist! Yeah, there’s always that moment with those chutneys! πŸ™‚ Over here our Indian restaurants offer choices: “Kiwi Hot” or “Indian Hot” – the former mellowed with sugar, apparently. I’ve often been tempted to ask for “Ringburner” spicing, but probably that wouldn’t be sensible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Interesting! Here, they’ve just asked how hot you want it. I often just go to the buffet where you take your chances. The other day I tried an Indian/American fusion place. Boring! My eyes didn’t water once. My nose didn’t run. I went back to the traditional Indian place for some heat and was happy. Thanks much, Matthew! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lyn says:

    LOL now that’s what I call a truly portable tandoori oven. Don’t think I’d risk it though–my aim isn’t that good πŸ™‚ What happens if you get confused and accidentally eat the chicken and then the chutney? I’m guessing you might be the first person in space without the assistance of a rocket.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bastet says:

    Lovely … I love Indian food but the fire extinguisher is definitely mandatory!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. nonnaci says:

    Where’s the milk?!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Yeah, that would help cool down the mouth after spitting flames. That’s extra. If you want to buy it, the cost is pretty high. Customers with burning mouths rarely balk at the price. πŸ˜‰

      Like

  6. Indira says:

    What an innovative idea for tandoori chicken. Chutney will roast other human parts also.

    Liked by 1 person

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