Scouting Mission

Photo by: Matthew Wright

Misty had been raving about Joko’s Mocha truck for weeks. Rebecca couldn’t join because like many New Yorker office workers, she rarely had time for secondary things like relaxing. She finally agreed and joined Misty at the end of a slow-moving line. Rebecca couldn’t help fidgeting and checking her watch.

“I know, I know, he’s slow,” said Misty. “The wait is worth it.”

Up ahead, other folks were becoming impatient as well. “Hey speedy!” rose a voice. “Pick it up will ya? I’m dyin’ heah!”

A regular shouted him down. “Shut yer puss, ya dumb jerk! Quality takes time.”

Misty and Rebecca finally placed their orders. Rebecca watched Joko work with dismay. She muttered, “Is he disabled? With my own eyes, I’ve seen grass grow fasteh than that.”

Misty glared and whispered. “He is disabled. Look at that hump on his back.”

Rebecca’s impatience brought out her inner New Yorker.  “Hey Pal? A word of advice: try drinkin’ yer own product. It’ll help.”

Joko slowly blinked at her. “Caffeine doesn’t work on me.”

“No? You must be an alien.”

“I am an alien.”

Rebecca laughed loudly and accepted her mocha. “You’re alright, Joko!” She sipped. “Christ! This is good.”

With the last of his customers gone for the moment, Joko placed a video call to Command HQ. Sighing with exhaustion, he opened his shirt to let his tortoise shell-like breastplate cool down. The face of Admiral Hesphonia appeared on his screen. “Jokomaphilus Ker! How is the scouting mission going?”

“I have bad news Admiral. The humans constantly complain that I’m too slow.”

“Impossible!” scoffed Hesphonia. “You’re the fastest sprinter in Hypholian Space!”

“Not here. These Humans move incredibly fast and they drink caffeine to move even faster!”

“That is bad.”

“We’ll have to cancel the operation, Admiral. I’ve admitted to thirty-seven humans that I’m an alien. They just laugh. With their caffeine-fueled society, I believe they’ve crushed alien invasions so many times they fear nothing!”
Written for Matthew Wright’s Mega Short-Story flash fiction challenge. Look here for the original prompt:

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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13 Responses to Scouting Mission

  1. mandibelle16 says:

    Great piece. All we have to do to defeat alien species is drink our caffeine beverages. Sounds good to me although, I’ll settle for tea.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Joy Pixley says:

    You know, if they can really make coffee that good, it wouldn’t have to be a *hostile* takeover. Perhaps their operation plan just needs a little re-tuning.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. List of X says:

    I think that at least one of these 37 people probably already notified the immigration service about the suspicious alien, so Joko’s scouting mission might come to an end.
    On the other hand, US immigration can be one of the few Earth’s entities that moves even slower than an average Hypnolian.

    Liked by 2 people

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! That’s for certain. My wife has first hand knowledge of them. It’s quite possible Immigration has been entirely infiltrated by Hypnolians. It would explain a lot, the DMV too. 😉


  4. I think New Zealand Post has definitely had a Hypnolian infiltration!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! I half expected you to tell me that the NZ Parliament had been infiltrated. 😉 I don’t think our Congress has. They’re very industriously scooping up money for personal gain. They couldn’t be Hypnolians. 😉


  5. afairymind says:

    Humanity’s love of caffeinated beverages has a purpose after all! A wonderfully imaginative story, Eric. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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