True Brits

Photo by: Al Forbes

The crowd was getting unruly. Constables walked among them to ensure their ire remained merely vocal.

Paul joined the people streaming to the protest. Several times blokes waving signs nearly opened up his head. One sign read, “Britain for Brits!” Another read, “Aliens Go Home!”

Paul experienced similar feelings. Jobs were getting scarce and lots of aliens took what few remained. In an effort to better integrate the alien Pormani into British society, government created tax rebates for businesses that hired Pormani. The same thing happened when the Invil’tagani arrived and the Norgans years before that. A lot of Brits were getting angry. It also happened in France, Germany, Italy, Greece, and America. Paul couldn’t help feeling blinkered. Life was hard and aliens seemed to be getting a better break.

After joining the main crowd and shouting for an hour, he felt knackered. He walked to a side street to rest and just watch. Another bloke joined him and offered a fag. They smoked in silence for bit before Paul said, “Great protest, eh?”

“Yeah. It’s the dog’s bollocks.”

“Paul.”

“Reg.”

They shook hands.

“Think it’ll work?”

“Dunno. We Brits gotta do somethin’, right?” Reg took off his cap, and there, Paul could see Reg’s antennae.

“Cor blimey!” exclaimed Paul. “You’re a bleedin’ alien!”

“Am not! I’m as British as you!”

“Codswallop! You’re not even Human!”

“What’s that got to do with it? I pay me taxes. I put me trousers on one leg at a time. I’d bite me arm off for some bangers and mash right now.” He shrugged. “I’m buggered if I know a good pub hereabouts.”

“Ye can’t protest aliens, and be an alien!”

“Can too! I’m fifth generation British. That makes me a bloomin’ Brit! And look at you. Yer not even white!”

“Rubbish! Me Da got here from Somalia four generations ago.”

“See?”

Paul wasn’t sure what to say. He took a final toke on his fag and flicked it into the street. In the distance, the protest was turning violent. Smoke grenades flew into the crowd.

“We’d better get out of here before this all goes pear shaped,” noted Paul. He said to Reg, “You like Indian food?”

Reg sighed, “That’d be the mutt’s nuts.”

“You really are British, aren’t you?”

“Told you I was.”

Paul whacked Reg on the shoulder. “Let’s clear off before those bloody blinkered pillocks catch up.”
_________________________________

Author’s Notes:

There’s debate raging across Europe and America right now about Syrians immigrating into our countries. I agree with background checks, but let’s get it done quickly, please. A lot of folks want to start a new life, and I think they should have that opportunity. I’ve heard people pointing to various ethnic groups and saying “they shouldn’t be here.” To that I say, “bulls**t!” Here in the states MOST of us are the children of immigrants. If you’re not full-blooded Native American, you’ve got no right to complain. Being American isn’t a matter of bloodline. It’s all about an Idea. I had Mexican food for breakfast. I’ll have Indian for lunch and Chinese food for dinner. I love that. I don’t want to change a thing.

I know a bit of British slang, but I wanted more. I gathered a bunch of terms here: http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

Written for weekly Sunday Photo Fiction writing challenge. Look here for the original prompt: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2016/02/28/sunday-photo-fiction-february-28th-2016/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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19 Responses to True Brits

  1. mandibelle16 says:

    I think there is a good lesson here. Whoever you are, whatever you are once you’ve made a place your home and become a citizen, you belong their. In this case you are ‘British.’ And there should be no discrimination there on the basis of appearance or homeland, in a multi-cultural society. Great story.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I think we had similar ideas with this picture, just looking at the absurdity behind some of the anti-immigration arguments. I like your theory; it’s not what you look like, it’s how you speak that shows where you belong. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      The guy waving the British flag and the Bobbies escorting them gave me the idea. I’m glad the story idea made sense. The two chars look very different, but they understand the same language, right down to the slang. They’re countrymen whether they realize it or not. In the end, they did. Thanks much, David! πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. Well said! We are all immigrants, one way or another. We have been devolving — robber barons, detention camps for refugees, recessions that are Depressions, fences, putting people on trains, turning away ethnic groups.
    The slang was effective — I had no idea what your characters were talking about, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      The vast majority of us are immigrants. It’s all good. It’s what makes America, and Britain, strong. The barriers people put up weaken us all. I think if we remember most of our ancestors came here with ambition and drive, we’d all realize the deepest commonality between us all. I know a lot of those slang terms (I watch a lot of British television). Some were new even for me. I had fun writing it. Thanks much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. A great way of looking at it. Some people are so narrow minded they can’t see the truth of what they are. Great way of showing what some people are really like.

    Also, loved the link to the plethora of phrases. I had to have a giggle at some of them. I haven’t heard a few of them for a while.

    I watched a segment of a comedian that I don’t like, but what he said was so true. You can use any word to say you were drunk and it fits. As long as you add the -ed suffix to it. So blathered is drunk, plastered etc. But if you say “I went out and got absolutely car-parked”, it is understood what it means. “I got door-jambed last night” “If you have another drink, you’ll be button-mooned”

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yep. A lot of us in Western countries are the children of immigrants. It’s all good. We just need to remember that when a fresh batch comes off the boat.

      I really had fun with the slang terms. Some of them, I thought were American slang since I’ve been using them since I was a kid. Some were completely alien to me like “Bite my arm off.” I just HAD to include that one. I couldn’t include “pavement pizza” but maybe next time. Some I know were old like “it’s the bees knees.” You’d expect an elderly aunt to use that one.

      Glad you enjoyed and thanks Al! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ceayr says:

    As a Scot who lives in France I think all immigrants should be sent home.
    Except me, of course, I like it here.
    Cool story, neatly crafted.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Donna says:

    It is unfortunate that a lot of refugees do not want to leave their homes but have little choice in the matter. My family originally came from Scotland. Here in Canada we all immigrated at some time. Except of course for the indigenous population (who did not want us here either). Good story

    Liked by 1 person

  7. rogershipp says:

    Intriguing twist to a modern dilemma! Well told!

    Liked by 1 person

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