The Last Super-Villain

Photo by: Matthew Wright

Dr. Havoc enjoyed his trip to Sydney, Australia. He liked meeting people and shaking their hands. With a delighted smile he’d say, “Lovely city! Too bad it’ll be destroyed.” In New Zealand he’d say, “Beautiful countryside! A shame it’ll all be melted away.”

No one was quite sure how to take the curious man wearing a jumpsuit and carrying a chinchilla.

Back at his secret Pacific island fortress, Havoc stepped away from his beautifully maintained Chrysler Airflow. The sleek lines of the antique car appealed to him. Even as he walked away from it, the driver began waxing it again. His predecessor had missed a spot once, and was later fed to laser-armed sharks.

Dr. Havoc sat in a brightly-colored cafe drinking Turkish coffee in the picturesque village he designed. His tablet bleeped. He wondered if it was his engineer, Klipsch offering an update on Havoc’s microwave battlestation. Havoc already knew it was operational. The destruction of all civilization was on schedule. Tired of the tedious man, Havoc had ignored Klipsch’s calls for days. He flipped open the cover and found that it wasn’t Klipsch at all, but Interpol. He smirked. It was curious that they had acquired his number, but no matter. Interpol wouldn’t exist in a few days.

He answered the video call with a smirk, expecting some Head of State to beg for his life. “It is too late to plead for mercy!” he crowed.

The rather plain woman on the screen look bored. She said, “Certainly not, sir.”

Havoc was perplexed. “I don’t recognize you. What president of what country are you?”

The woman snorted. “I don’t represent any country. I’m Katya, Mr. Bloom’s personal assistant.”

“Who is Mr. Bloom?”

“Oh, he is Interpol’s Assistant Deputy Undersecretary number thirty-seven to personal assistant thirteen of the Vice-Director of Interpol.”

Havoc could feel a rage purpling his face. “I demand to speak to the Director!”

Katya began painting her nails. “‘Fraid not. He’s very busy, as am I. This call is merely a formality to advise you, your life is forfeit.”

“WHAT? Do you know who I am?” raged Havoc.

“Ah, that would be Whitney Small-Pittling, correct?”

Havoc hadn’t heard that awful name in ages. He could feel that one blood vessel throbbing. “I’ll be certain that Interpol Headquarters is the first target of my Battlestation before I destroy Civilization! You shall pay for your insolence!”

The image of Katya was replaced by a scene of shattered debris. The words “Emperor Havoc” appeared often on the large chunks. Katya reappeared. “Yours, I should think?”

Havoc roared, “I’ll not be treated like this. I am a Super-Villain!”

Katya winced. “That’s rather passe, isn’t it? Terrorism is the real concern these days. You lot are old hat anymore.”

“Know this. I WILL escape and I will RETURN!”

“I shouldn’t think so. The sixty-inch ion cannon in orbit, the one pointed at your hideout,” Katya rolled her eyes. “…Will destroy the entire island in…oh…thirty seconds. But don’t be dismayed. Your Turkish coffee will be nice and hot. Have a nice day!”

Havoc dashed for his car, but Katya’s word was good. The last thing the eminent super-villain saw, was an eye-searing flash in the perfectly waxed shine of his car.
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Written for Matthew Wright’s weekly Short Story Challenge. Look here for the original post: https://mjwrightnz.wordpress.com/2016/03/22/this-weeks-short-story-challenge-16/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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15 Responses to The Last Super-Villain

  1. Great story about an “old hat” super-villain! Hahahaha! That certainly showed him!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. mandibelle16 says:

    Love this one. Made me think or Dr. Evil or the guy from Despicable me, as well as certain James Bond villains. I loved how Katya told him super villains are “passee.” I do think that is true. Instead we do have terrorists, such as today’s awful events 😦 Great job storytelling. This piece was excellent!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. I was trying to evince Dr. Evil and many other super-villians. They’re always so fun. It seems we haven’t time for them anymore with so many real-life global threats. I’m happy this piece worked well for you. Thanks so much, I appreciate it. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. List of X says:

    Doesn’t Interpol have some kind of a policy to ban it’s employees from warning supervillains that they’re about to be blasted by an ion cannon? I mean, who knows, these supervillains might have some back up evil plan that only takes a few seconds to put into action.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Well, that was in the old days. But back then we were trying to “capture” them as well. Do you know how difficult it was to get summary executions through parliament? Not easy. The public have a perverse love for “their super-villains.” Oh so what if they tried to trigger earthquakes beneath every European city or trigger tsunamis that wipe out London. Messrs Bond and Powers and an American fellow curiously named “XXX” always put things to rights. These adventures were always cracking good fun and they kept MI-6’s budget quite large.

      Trouble is, these faux-religious terrorist buffoons keep popping up like weeds, and that means MI-6 certainly hasn’t the time for a jolly good super-villain romp. So while Parliament agreed to summary executions, they still thought it only sporting to offer a courtesy call. Thus, Interpol was influenced by its senior member. It all makes sense if you think about it. 😉

      Like

  4. Hee hee! Brilliant story! That car really does look like a classic deco-era super-villain car. I don’t know the history of the vehicle in detail but the number plate is one of the earliest issued when the current system came out in 1966, indicating it’s been continuously registered since then. It’s a regular at the Napier art deco festivals. (Weirdly, these festivals are filled with marvellous American cars from the period, which are what I call ‘real’ cars; whereas in the actual 1930 New Zealand everybody putt-putted around in ridiculous British ‘car simulations’ slightly larger than prams, with 7 hp motors and names like Austin Piddlebom and Putney Canardly. No self-respecting supervillain would want to be seen dead in one…)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lyn says:

    I love the way you always seem to put the “super villain” in his place by having the secretary of some ‘underling’ at the bottom of the food chain, telling said “super villain” he’s passe while she does her nails (and probably yawns). It’s enough to send him into apoplexy 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Yeah, it was the worst slap in the face Havoc had gotten in his super-villain career. He was getting ready to have a conniption followed by a stroke. Luckily, the complete destruction of the island saved him from that fate. 😉 Thanks much, Lyn! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Mandi sent me this link to feature on my ‘share a link post.’ What a fun read. Old hat had it coming besides, his type has rather gone out of fashion.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Pingback: Featured posts #26…Let me share your post links. | a cooking pot and twistedtales

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