The Word

Photo by: Al Forbes

Police Captain Norris Dunnless achieved his position more because of his privileged family’s influence than by ability. The fact that whenever Dunnless proclaimed a case unsolvable, and within hours Inspector Edgar Harper solved it, was probably the source of friction between them. The tensions weren’t entirely the fault of Dunnless. Harper probably didn’t need to rub Dunnless’ nose in it quite so vigorously.

“You see, Cap’n,” explained Harper as officers held their noses beside the sewage drain. “There’s no sign of forced entry. There’s water on the floor in the upstairs bathroom. Wet footprints lead to the secured jewelry case. There’s water inside the jewelry case.”

“So?” grunted Captain Dunnless. “The thief took a shower to insure he wouldn’t leave fingerprints.”

Harper sighed, “I hardly think so, sir. More footprints lead downstairs to another bathroom. We believe the thief was surprised by the unexpected return of Mrs. Leadbelly. She witnessed a figure entering the bathroom, but when Mrs. Leadbelly followed, the thief was gone. There are no exits from the bathroom.”

“Sounds like another unsolvable one,” proclaimed Dunnless.

“Not so,” intoned Harper. “I believe we are dealing with a Water Elemental.”

“A what?”

“A Water Elemental, sir. A creature entirely composed of water yet able to assume a solid enough form to manipulate objects.” He pointed to a pipe which dumped into the sewage of a water reclamation pool. “That is where the thief escaped from the Leadbelly’s toilet.”

Dunnless turned purple. “A water elemental? Poppycock! Have you lost your mind, man?”

“I can prove it, sir. You see, the creature could only come here. We arrived quickly so it must still be present. Now if you’ve studied your mythology you’d know water elementals despise a particular word. It’s utterance incites an immediate attack.”

“Enough of this mythological claptrap, Harper! Not another word.”

“I’ll write the word down then, sir.” Harper handed Dunnless a slip of paper.

Heedless, Dunnless read it aloud. “Ipswitch? Gads Harper, you…”

A massive column of sewage suddenly rose up from the pool. It maneuvered like a living thing, taking aim. Unerringly, it crashed down upon Dunnless, soaking the captain yet leaving everyone else untouched. Dunnless’ crisp uniform became coated with the stench of unmentionable, slimy bits. He glared at Harper. “I suppose you rather enjoyed that.”

“No sir,” smirked Harper, “But it did ‘wet’ my appetite for more.”
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction. Look here for the original prompt and a link to a bevy of terrific stories!


About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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29 Responses to The Word

  1. jademwong says:

    Haha! Love the twist you put on what was seemingly your ol-fashioned detective story. And that pun at the end, I caught that πŸ˜‰ Very nice!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. joetwo says:

    I doubt he’ll do too well pissing off (so to speak) the boss like that. Good one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yeah, there’s a reason he’s still only a common inspector. Promotion appears to elude him. Works out well though. This way, Harper is available to solve crimes nobody else can. πŸ˜‰ Thanks Joe! πŸ™‚


  3. swritings says:

    Haha! An extremely enjoyable read! Wonderfully written! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. mandibelle16 says:

    Cute story.unfortunate Duneless doesn’t put much effort into his cases. He is kind of asking for it when the water monster covers him in sewage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Dunless really did have it coming. After all of Harper’s successes he should be at least a little grateful. Instead, he treats his best investigator like a pariah. This time, Dunless got covered in shite. πŸ˜‰ Thanks much, Mandibelle! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha! That was perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hahahaha! GROSS! LOL! Duneless was asking for it though. Hahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. The Voice says:

    I think he should have Dunnless talking and Dunmore listening to his Inspector. (Ouch, these puns hurt my brain.) πŸ™‚ Nice story.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Lyn says:

    I love detective stories. Especially when the police chief/captain is always shown up by his Inspector. The Brits are really good at doing shows like that. LOL you’re missing your calling Eric, you should start writing British cop show scrips πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. I’ve been watching a few of them. Maybe the general gist has rubbed off. Foyle’s War is a fave. Shey and I really love Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. I believe that’s from Australia, yes? Great show. Thanks so much, Lyn! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lyn says:

        Gotta love Foyle’s War. He’s so…British πŸ™‚ Some other favourites are Midsomer Murders, Pie in the Sky and New Tricks–especially the ones with the original cast, although they are all good. Yes, Miss Fisher is from Oz. Murdoch Mysteries from Canada is pretty good too.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Hee hee! “I perceive it was a mythical water creature” “Great Scott, how do you know that Holmes?” “It was ELEMENTARY, my dear Watson”.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. HAHAHAHA I love that. Brilliant story Eric.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Good story, Eric. This is a detective story with a smattering of mutant beings, something you don’t find every day. You don’t mess around with mutants or other life forms. It seems they’re trying to raise money for some cause by stealing. Where is Dr. Who when you need him? Well done. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Mutants, monsters, and other things that go bump in the night are Harper’s specialty. He’s open-minded enough to solve the un-solvable. Dr. Who was off saving an enslaved species on Gamma Hydronis IV. Luckily, Harper had served as the Doctor’s Companion for three years. πŸ˜‰ Glad you had fun. Thanks Suzanne! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Tena Carr says:

    Very good. Loved the ending…. Reminded me of a joke I once heard. Can’t recall the exactly how it went (and really couldn’t repeat here anyway).

    Liked by 1 person

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