Strict Adherence to the Rules

Photo by: Al Forbes

Phil Eierkopf was already a peerless engineer before his private plane crashed in Borneo. He spent the following eighteen years with the lost tribe, Yacanang’Ug, becoming a peerless sorcerer.

Years with jungle tribes and traveling through the astral planes where ancient Gods live, changes the way a man thinks. Phil started life as a Western Man, but he wasn’t any longer. He still found Western thought…challenging.

Phil planned to race in the Jaguar Rally Cross. The main rule was simple: the car must have a Jaguar engine. He raced and won handily over twenty-year rally champions. That’s when the race officials demanded to see the car’s engine.

Phil removed his helmet. Bones with magical symbols were woven into his red hair. Exotic tattoos shimmered with color on his right cheek. An amulet, given to him by an Egyptian God, hung from his neck. “Technical anomalies?” asked Phil.

Eberhard Freeney stood before the delegation of officials. He’d never won a rally cross, but he found his calling when it came to the rules. He was universally disliked, but he kept himself employed as an official with shrewd “interpretations” of the officials assignment rules. “Yes, Mr. Eierkopf. I…we believe there are issues with your car’s engine.”

Several officials carefully examined the sky.

“But sir,” said Phil. “I’ve strictly adhered to the rules.”

Eberhard sneered. “The engine, please.”

Smiling, Phil popped the hood.

Everyone watching gasped.

Some even turned and ran.

A Jaguar…that is, a jungle cat with huge fangs and rosette spots, stood up from the engine compartment. The beast was twice the size of any living cat, and it stood easily on its hind legs. Shrunken heads adorned a necklace around its neck. An obsidian knife hung from its crocodile-hide belt. It carried a spear with an impaled a human skull still dangling from it. Phil said, “May I introduce Tatixuacha’Jalipensa. I call him, Tati. He’s the Jaguar that powers my car.”

Tati rumbled to the watching crowd, “What up?”

Several onlookers fainted.

“That’s no jaguar!” accused Eberhard.

Phil rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, he’s a Jaguar God, more ancient than humanity. But that’s splitting hairs, right? He’s still a jaguar.”

“Where did you get it?” sneered Eberhard.

“Impudent beast!” rumbled Tati. “Phil? Do you own this creature?”

Phil attempted to cool the tension. “I did mention he’s a God, right? A little courtesy…”

“Nonetheless, this thing is a rules violation! I must…”

Tati gestured complex symbols in the air and flicked a three-inch claw toward Eberhard. In a blink, the man shrank and became a common tree snake. The reptile looked around, squeaked, and fainted.

Tati bared his fangs at the remaining officials. “Anyone else see a rule violation?”

One official, evidently a member of Mensa, shook his head. “Nope. That’s unquestionably a Jaguar engine!”
_____________________________
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction. Look here for this week’s prompt and a blue button linking to many more of this week’s stories: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2016/05/01/sunday-photo-fiction-may-1st-2016/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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23 Responses to Strict Adherence to the Rules

  1. Joy Pixley says:

    You know, even if the giant talking Jaguar with a shrunken-head necklace *wasn’t* a god, I’d still be courteous. And not a snake. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

    • EagleAye says:

      You are absolutely correct! Tati is actually a real cool guy. Great to have around in a bar fight. Thing is, he doesn’t suffer fools gladly, nor overly officious officials. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahahaha! I agree with the official that’s a member of Mensa!! Great story!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Donna says:

    That made me chuckle about following the rules. Definitely in the interpretation of “rules”.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. BarbCT says:

    Wonderful story! It’s all in the interpretation. I’m inclined to agree with the Mensa committee member.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Exactly. A liberal interpretation of the rules is always possible when your life is in danger. The Mensa guy obviously has a talent for troubleshooting. 😉 Glad you enjoyed this. Thanks very much! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. List of X says:

    But I bet this jaguar engine isn’t running on any type of approved fuel.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. IB Arora says:

    there could be no arguing in such a situation, nice imaginative take

    http://www.obliqview.blogspot.in

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lyn says:

    Where’s the “Love” button when you need one?! Once again you’ve blown us away with another Eric humdinger of a story 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. mandibelle16 says:

    Creative and unique. You’ve painted a picture of quite the character this Phil and the Jacguire god is a great image too. Well done with a sense of humour as always.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Glad you liked them. For me, they’re very old characters. I’ve written about them for years. Some of my favorites. The talking racoon (who drinks heavily and smokes cigars), Jake, wasn’t in this one. Maybe later. 😉 Thanks so much, Mandibelle! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hah! It is, indeed, a “Jaguar” motor! 🙂 My father actually owned one in the 1950s (the car, not the cat… 🙂 ) – a 1947 SS Jaguar Mk IV drop-head coupe, back when the Swallow Sidecar company was trying to eliminate the initials “SS” from their vehicles (for the obvious reasons) by quietly renaming themselves after their most popular marque. Dad’s one carried the “portmanteau” name. He sold it before I was born. Marvellous vehicle, but NOT on New Zealand roads of the day – it was constantly breaking down. It was also fairly hard to get parts, with the result that when some “person of irregular parentage” stole the radiator cap with the prancing Jaguar on it, he had to drive around with a piece of wood filed down as a bung while waiting for the replacement to arrive. It kept blowing out at awkward moments.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Sounds precisely like British motoring. I’ve heard that British sports cars are made for enthusiasts of cars who enjoy working on them. There’s always something to fix. If it isn’t leaking oil, Brits wonder what’s wrong with it. 😀 Thanks much, Matthew! 🙂

      Like

  10. In a case like that, I think bending the rules is called for. Good story Eric. Well done. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Definitely a jaguar engine :mrgreen:

    Liked by 1 person

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