The Rules of Devouring

Photo by: John Brand

Marion’s house in New York was tiny, and her yard was smaller. Nevertheless, she insisted on a lush garden. She mounted brackets on the wall to place more pots. She even mounted pots up the trunk of her cherry blossom tree.

Her high-powered, concrete-jungle-dwelling, corporate neighbors thought she was weird. As they passed her they’d loudly say things like: “Freak!”, Weirdo!”, and “Ey! What’s Looney-Bin food like?”

Marion rightly ignored them. She soon had a living wall with so many plants she lost track of them.

This was the perfect environment for the aliens Apostideae and Bromilius. The two looked much like Terrestrial carnivorous pitcher plants, except five-feet tall with aggressive tentacles to pull in prey, and stomach acids that dissolved food in mere minutes.

Bromilius watched people flow by. “There’s so much food here. What should we eat? We need some Rules of Devouring.”

“We can’t eat just anyone,” said Apostideae. “We’d give our presence away.”

“Right.”

“Let’s not eat the gardener for starters. She’s nice.”

“Agreed.”

“I got it! Let’s only eat the humans who are rude to other humans.”

Bromilius crossed his tentacles in exasperation. “You do realize we’re in New York, right?”
________________________________
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2017/04/23/sunday-photo-fiction-april-23rd-2017/

Author’s Notes:

Pitcher Plant: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitcher_plant

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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24 Responses to The Rules of Devouring

  1. luckyjc007 says:

    Oh! They are in the land of opportunity! I’m sure they can have a real feast every day. (That’s not to say they would not have the same opportunity in other states though .)

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      True enough. Every state (nearly) has its big, mean city. But the same rules applied in Littletown, Indiana (where they say please and thank you and, incredibly, hold the door open for others) would mean slim pickin’s for our aliens. πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. athling2001 says:

    Great twist! They certainly won’t go hungry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the way you set the scene. The aliens are sure to stay pit in the state for a long long time.
    Excellent writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Oh yeah, they will. A banquet every day. Though, they may need to change the rules of devouring. Otherwise, they’ll eat everyone in sight! πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much! πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. Christine says:

    Someone should warn them that some of their intended food supply is contaminated by ‘crystal meth’ or ‘crack’ cut with drain cleaner.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I think that’s mostly in the poorer neighborhoods. Marion’s neighbors are rather well-to-do. They get a fairly good quality of cocaine…and lots of it. πŸ˜‰

      Like

  5. List of X says:

    Two five-foot-tall pitcher plants in a tiny garden? Believe me, Marion knows they are there.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. michael1148humphris says:

    That will deal with the burglars and other unwanted visitorsπŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Danny James says:

    If I read that story without knowing the author I would predict that you would the author. Where did you get Apostideae and Bromilius?

    DJ

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! You know me so well. Apostideae is a shortened version of an orchid name, Bromilius is merely an alteration of plant name, “Bromiliad.” Thanks Danny! πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. ceayr says:

    I don’t think that New York, or even the USA, has a monopoly on rudeness, Eric.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      You’re quite right. Chicago is rather skilled at it. Los Angeles is very good at rude and then claims you are rude if you’re offended. Manila can be very rude, especially if you’re a fellow Filipino. It can happen anywhere in any country, to be honest, but it’s the largest cities that turn it into an art form.

      Like

  9. Lyn says:

    LOL that last line is perfect. I’m so glad Apostideae and Bromilius like their host. They are going to be well fed for a looooong time πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Indira says:

    Haha loved it.I would love to plant them on the border, so many terrorists are infiltrating. Any chance?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. That last line made me laugh out loud. That’s excellent Eric. Great story

    Liked by 1 person

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