Mayor of Chicago, Rupert Johnson was furious. He shouted at his Chief of Staff, Marion Caldwell. “This is a disaster! ”
“But sir,” said Marion. “You wanted innovative ideas.”
“But not this!” The native Chicagoan loved his city. The horrific spate of gun violence troubled him deeply.
Johnson’s secretary ushered in Stanford Hawkins.
“Hawkins!” roared Johnson. “What the hell did you do?”
“I thought you’d be pleased, Mayor,” explained the spindly scientist. “I think my Probability Engine worked perfectly.”
“Well yes, it worked but…”
“You wanted a solution that reminded the people of Chicago of their commonality.”
“I did and…”
“So I thought changing all the city’s bullets into Bratwurst matched your request perfectly.”
“But, my god man, Bratwurst? Of all the things you could’ve done.”
“I could’ve done cheese puffs.”
“That’s not the point! It’s bratwurst, Hawkins,” raged Johnson. “Bratwurst without sauerkraut and mustard? Are you insane?”
_____________________________
Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2017/04/29/chicago/
Author’s Notes:
My Probability Engine is based on the notion that in any given moment anything is possible. You shouldn’t expect your computer will turn into a daisy, but there is a “probability” that it could happen. For more on this, consider the Infinite Improbability Drive from “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Infinite_Improbability_Drive
Bratwurst (properly served with sauerkraut and mustard):
EagleAye
Momus News 
I think there’s a city statute that if you put catsup on a hot dog you can be shot on sight. Good story!
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Haha! Absolutely right. They even put security cameras on hot dog stands to enforce it. 😉 Thanks so much! 🙂
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Shot on sight with bratwurst?
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There’s a certain irony to it, don’t you think?
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Laughing out loud at this one! Personally, I’d have voted for an all beef hot dog on a poppy seed bun, with tomatoes/peppers/relish and some spicy brown.
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Haha! Mmm, that sounds good. I think the Mayor would’ve gone for that too. 😉 Thanks kindly! 🙂
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You forgot the grilled onion KR. If you’re going to have a poppy seed bun, you have to have onions 😉
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Yes!
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This put a big smile on my face. I just didn’t see anything like that final line coming! Sweet!!!
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I enjoy saving the surprise for the end. Glad you got a smile out of it. It’s my goal for the story. Thanks so much! 🙂
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The second time I read the ending I truly laughed out loud. Alone here with my computer. That almost never happens! Thank you! 🙂
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That sounds like a good thing. I’m just glad I could help. 😉
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Ha! Where do you come up with these tall tales. One of your ancestors must have kissed the Blarney Stone when he was raiding the Emerald Isle.
But now I’m stuck with the gruesome picture of guns clogged up by sausage meat. 😦
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I’m pretty sure they kissed the stone, much more than once! I didn’t get an image of clogged up guns, I just thought of collecting them and lighting up the grill. 😉 Thanks Christine! 🙂
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Oh, if only it were possible. I’m still laughing. Great story.
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Laughter is such a wonderful thing. There’s few things better than sharing it. Thanks so much! 🙂
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HA! I knew there’d be a strange twist at the end. LOL you never disappoint, Eric 😀
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Well you know, I gotta keep my peeps happy. If my stories weren’t weird, folks would wonder what’s wrong with me. 😉 Thanks Lyn! 🙂
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Dear Eric,
Now I’m in the mood for a hot dog. Bring on the mustard and sauerkraut. This is hilarious.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Hehe. I wrote this when I was hungry. Guess I passed that on. 😉 Glad you had fun, Rochelle. Thanks kindly! 🙂
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I dunno, getting hit by a link of bratwurst flying at 2000 feet per second has got to be pretty painful.
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Oh yeah, it’s going to leave a nasty welt and a livid bruise at the very least. Then there’s the issue of dummies shooting bratwurst directly into the mouth for a laugh. *sigh* It’s a good time for dentists, though. 😉
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Well, an exceedingly low probability.
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Astronomically small, to be exact. 😉
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Oh, man, snorting laughter again this week! Oh, don’t, makes my cracked ribs hurt. Oh, but da* that’s funny! BTW, My apt is reeking of kraut in the crock, and guess what’s in the skillet to go with….
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Haha! I love it, though I do hope your ribs feel better. Hmm, Brats in the skillet? 😉 Glad you had fun. Thanks so much! 🙂
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