Universal Controller

Photo by: Al Forbes

Corwin regretted hosting the party. He couldn’t honestly afford it on his Chinese food deliveryman salary. And then of course, he had to clean up in the morning.

That’s when he found the red cellphone on the floor. He couldn’t figure out who owned it. It displayed a language he’d never seen before. Add to his woes, the football game he wanted to see wasn’t televised. While holding the phone he said, “I wish that game was on.”

*poof*

The game appeared on his TV.

Elated, he decided to run for beer. Unfortunately, he’d locked his keys in his car. “I need my car!” he shouted, still holding the strange phone.

*poof*

The car unlocked itself.

Staring at the alleged “phone,” he started getting ideas. At the convenience store, he bought a stack of scratcher lottery cards. He walked out $3,337,000 richer, with a six pack. Days later, he won over $300,000,000 in the state lottery.

Corwin’s life changed overnight. But now that he was rich, things were suddenly too easy. He missed the challenge of life. Corwin started getting more ideas about his red “controller.”

On the TV at Danny’s Pub the anchorman said, “They said it couldn’t be done, but believe it, there is peace in the Middle-east. Former President Putin’s body still cannot be found. Moderate, Pyotr Yevenko has taken his place. The second Iranian revolution is over. The Khomenei’s have been overthrown…”

***

Alien commander, Vikari stood on the starship’s bridge and watched the Earth transmissions. “Obviously, Agent Thorn was overwhelmed by an immensely powerful force.”

***

At Danny’s Pub, the incredibly thin man slurred, “More whiskey! I’m a secret agent, you know.”

“Uh huh,” sighed the barkeep.

“Now I know why you Humans love alcohol so much!”

***

“Now that the Humans have the Universal Controller and progress towards world peace, they’ll soon expand into space,” groaned Vikari. “Their cleverness could prove a threat to our glorious leader’s totalitarian empire.”

“Not to worry!” said the alien scientist. “The Universal Controller requires immense power to charge. A Human can’t just plug it into a wall socket. It will soon be useless!”

***

Corwin held the controller as he made his request, and got the answer he wanted.

“Why sure!” said Arthur, the nuclear plant manager. “I can direct our entire output to anything you want.”
______________________________________
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2017/05/07/sunday-photo-fiction-may-7th-2017/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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21 Responses to Universal Controller

  1. Iain Kelly says:

    If only my phone did this. Alas, no sign of any alien help. Good story πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. michael1148humphris says:

    I might have to review my view on mobile phones and like them.πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I gotta find that phone again. Excellent story Eric.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lyn says:

    As always, you stepped outside the frame πŸ™‚
    β€œNot to worry!” … Famous last words. I wonder if they have salt mines on Vikari’s planet? πŸ˜€
    I wouldn’t mind a ‘phone’ like that for a week or two. Nah, make it a month. I figure I could get it to do what I wanted in a month.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Same here. I’d be happy to pass it along after I’ve won the lottery a few times. I could live as a “humble millionaire” after that. And they don’t have salt mines on Vikari’s planet, but they do have a soul-destroying gulag far worse than Siberia. A certain scientist is its latest guest. πŸ˜‰ Thanks Lyn!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. luckyjc007 says:

    Love it! I want one of those phones and it doesn’t even have to be red! Ha! Ha! In fact, I’d like to have a lot of things you have created in your stories…..it would certainly make an interesting shopping day!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. So Arthur, the nuclear plant manager, redirected their entire output to Corwin’s new power substation, “And the lights all went out in Massachusetts…” πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yep. I think whenever he needs a recharge, he shouldn’t always do it in the same place. That way he could distribute those “brownouts”. Small price to pay for world peace, I’d say. πŸ˜‰

      Like

  7. Hee hee! Brilliant story! Say, you couldn’t get Corwin to, you know, cause the device to replicate itself and for the duplicate to appear over at my house, could you?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. JS Brand says:

    A genie for the 21st century? Great story.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Corwin has a better brain than the aliens give him credit for. Now we have a drunken alien and a powerful human. Hilarious, Eric. Good writing. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yes, the aliens badly underestimate him. It’s safe to say their plans have been foiled. It’s wouldn’t be the first plan ruined by an alcoholic binge. πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much, Suzanne! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Can I have a red phone?
    Good story! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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