The Critical Delay

The world’s most influential climate change skeptic, James Malhof, smoked a cigar on his yacht. Elatedly, he explained his method to a trio of bikini-clad, busty blonds.

“It doesn’t matter what experts say,” he explained. “All I do is pretend to want fair discussion, and cause delay. Repeat a lie (that climate change isn’t really proven and that it’s a hoax) enough times and people will eventually believe it. I’ve told this lie through so many sources, overwhelming actual scientists, that now people believe me!” He waved his hand. “And now my salary pays for this yacht!”

A freak wave suddenly hit the boat and Malhof fell overboard. Sharks began to circle. “Help!” he called, but the blonds didn’t hear him. They were absorbed with taking selfies.

A family of the last sentient sea turtles in the world cruised nearby. All were quite malnourished. The coral reef, providing their food, was dying off in the acidified ocean.

One popped its head head above water, “You called for help?”

“Yes! These sharks will eat me any second!”

“Sharks eat people?”

“Of course! Ask any scientist!”

“But is that really proven?” smirked the turtle. “Let’s discuss this. Don’t scientists perpetrate hoaxes?”
Written for What Pegman Saw:

Author’s Notes:

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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18 Responses to The Critical Delay

  1. k rawson says:

    Oh hell yeah–that was marvelous!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hilarious and hideously true. Good stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love the busty blondes taking selfies! This piece is delightful.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great story – and so true about the way the ‘deniers’ work!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yep. The same guys who told us for decades that smoking was perfectly safe…yeah, now these same guys say it’s “safe” to burn all the fossil fuels you want. Honestly, should we trust these criminals again?


  5. The truth will set you free!! LOL! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. List of X says:

    The blondes didn’t hear him? I guess there’s hope for the humanity yet if some of us aren’t listening to the climate change deniers.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Eric,

    This one’s hilarious on so many levels. I laughed at the image of the blondes snapping selfies as he went overboard. Glad I’m a brunette. 😉 Sentient turtles? Love your imagination. 😀 Well done.



    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. Yep, a people so easily won over by repetitive lies is also one too distracted by the trivial to be useful. He picked the wrong friends. I guess the sentient turtles are a metaphor for nature with a voice, and a useful literary tool. Also part of my wacky imagination. 😉 Glad you got a laugh. Thanks so much, Rochelle! 🙂


  8. Hey Eagle, I was smiling from the first sentence, The absurdity yet poignancy made my smile chuckle. Great stuff. A fully formed story rounded by its ridiculousness!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hey Eagle, this was a laugh riot from line one. Your imagination knows no boundaries. Mixing sentient turtles with busty blonds and unscrupulous scientists… oh what a theme and what writing. I am flabbergasted, in a good way.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Oh, you got me blushing. I’m happy you got a laugh from my zany imagination. It’s all I hope for. Thanks so much for the kind thoughts. I appreciate it. 🙂


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