The Testing

During the time of slavery pseudo-scientific tests matched white men against slaves in 100-meter sprints. The slaves were beaten, malnourished, and forced to run in chains. Predictably, the wholly unmotivated slaves performed poorly.

It’s little-known that the tests were originally planned somewhat fairly.

That was before time travelers arrived with their own sprinter.

Mr. McGillicuddy, slave-owner and financier of the “scientific” testing, sat in the upper veranda of a ritzy hotel. He growled, “Why didn’t you just arrest these time travelers?”

Mr. Warmbier, wannabe scientist, said, “Couldn’t. They had twenty huge men armed with fast-firing guns. These soldiers called themselves SEALs. Terrifying men!”

“Was the race result that bad? Our sprinter is the fastest man in the state!”

“The time traveler’s free-man made him look like a crippled turtle. I never seen nobody run that fast!”

McGillicuddy face-palmed. “What was this free-man’s name?”

“They called him, Usain Bolt.”
Written for What Pegman Saw:

Author’s Notes:

Usain Bolt: “…is a Jamaican sprinter and currently the fastest human in the world. He is the first person to hold both the 100 metres and 200 metres world records since fully automatic time became mandatory. He also holds the world record as a part of the 4 × 100 metres relay. He is the reigning world and Olympic champion in these three events. Because of his unprecedented dominance and achievements in sprint competition, he is widely considered to be the greatest sprinter of all time.”

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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24 Responses to The Testing

  1. This tale takes me back to Munich Olympics 1936 (?) and the black athletes leaving Hitler’s Aryans in the dust.
    One suggestion for this sentence: “It’s little-known that the tests were originally planned somewhat fairly.”
    Your use of the passive voice here coupled with qualifiers muddies the waters. Why not use an active voice: “Very few people know that the tests were originally planned to be fair.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yes! Jessie Owens is an American hero in my book. He really threw a wrench into Hitler’s twisted beliefs. 😀

      You’re right about avoiding the passive voice. I avoid it if I can. Thanks for pointing that out..


  2. It seems like he is an alien when we watch him run. He’s astonishing. Not since Jesse Owens in Munich has a runner so dominated the field. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yeah, he is just super-human. When I consider the people he ran against were the tops in the world, and then he blew past them…wow. Just wow. He really is our modern Jesse Owens. Thanks so much!


  3. k rawson says:

    That would be a sight! I can picture their astonishment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ahh… so that’s how he does it. I always thought there was something fishy about his speed. Great smile-a-line story, EagleAye.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Great story! I did read somewhere that Bolt is basically running as fast as the human frame can be made to go – he’s not just the fastest runner so far, he’s up with the fastest there ever will be… (personally, I achieve these same speeds, and more, sitting on my backside in air conditioned comfort – all thanks to a device made by Toyota, but hey, that’s tech for you…)

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I can believe that. I think any one who surpasses Bolt by any substantive margin will have to undergo DNA testing. Perhaps that person will be Homo Sapiens Ultra-Sapiens. 😉

      You know I’m pretty fast too, but my device is made by Mazda. Sometimes I’m really, really fast in a device made by Boeing. 😉 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. JS Brand says:

    Great story. Given the controversy that’s surrounded athletics and the special place of the 100 metres in Olympic tradition, I can’t think of a better choice than Bolt as your champion of fair competition.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your opening paragraph made me smile and cringe at the same time. How unfair! How stupid! A wonderful story to honor an amazing man.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jelli says:

    Liked it!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. James says:

    Very interesting and enlightening take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Dear Eric,

    Love it! A little history mixed in with the time travel and, oh, the ‘what if’s.’ I knew about Jesse Owens and how he splattered a little egg on Hitler’s face, but I was unaware of Usain Bolt. But then, I don’t really follow sports. Wonderful story.



    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I always chuckle when I think of Jesse Owens, because I’m reminded of how he infuriated Hitler. The thought makes me smile. And yeah, wouldn’t it be fun if Usain Bolt could do something similar? *smile* Thanks so much, Rochelle! 🙂


  11. kickstart123 says:

    Wonderful story line..he is such a humble and talented man!!

    Liked by 1 person

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