Safety Measure

Driving along empty streets, North Korean Defense Minister Kwan looked outside. A huge golden statue of Kim Il-Sung presided over an empty plaza. His phone rang and Kwan answered.

“Do you have the new Safety Measure?” asked Foreign Minister Jang.

“Of course.”

“It’s important. If the Americans get too angry and attack, we’re finished.”

“I know that! Relax, we’re safe.”

“Safe?” spat Kim Jong-Un,  leader of North Korea. Idly he drew doodles on the car seat with crayons. “With the Americans threatening us?”

“Your leadership keeps us safe, exalted one,” patronized Kwan.

“Give me the Nuclear Control Box,” said Kim. “I must destroy America.”

“You did that yesterday.”

“Again, again!” bounced Kim.

Kwan sighed and handed him a bright yellow box with colorful buttons. “Here is the Safety Mea…Control Box.”

Kim pointed to a logo. “What does this say?”

“Nothing, magnificent one.”

“Tell me!” insisted Kim.

“It says, ‘Fisher-Price.'”
______________________________________
Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2017/08/26/416/

Author’s Notes:

Kim Il-Sung: “…the leader of North Korea from its establishment in 1948 until his death in 1994…he authorized the invasion of South Korea in 1950 triggering a defense of South Korea by the United Nations led by the United States.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Il-sung

Fisher-Price: “…an American company that produces educational toys for children and infants.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fisher-Price

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
This entry was posted in Short Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Safety Measure

  1. k rawson says:

    That is definitely the Safety Mea–er Control Box that Petulant Chil–er Esteemed Leaders should have. Well done.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dear Eric,

    While I laughed, a part of me cried. The fact that the man is probably about that childish, he controls a country full of terrified robots. That scares the youknowwhat outta me. Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 2 people

    • EagleAye says:

      I often wonder what he’s like. I consider that he grew up privileged. No one would ever dare to say no to him, or die. How practical-minded could he be as an adult? His obsession with building nukes while his people starve suggests he’s only dimly aware of reality. He scares the bejeezus out of me too. Thanks Rochelle! 🙂

      Like

  3. joetwo says:

    Nice one! Do you think it might work as well for the other side.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. luckyjc007 says:

    Poor Kim, he’s so smart he can not even read a logo and will probably have to be instructed on how to push the button! We are definitely dealing with a grown child and the really scary part is he can cause many lives to be destroyed.He’s already killing his own people and has no problem doing that! I don’t think he has one ounce of empathy in him!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. James says:

    If only it were that easy.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lyn says:

    I see him as more of a “whack a mole” or perhaps “Hungry Hippos” guy. Although perhaps that would too adult for him.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. If your portrayal and the commenters are accurate, he sounds like another Nero. The little emperors come and they go. Hey! Maybe I’ll contact fisher Price with an idea fr anew game — kind of like Monopoly. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Or maybe Caligula? Maybe Un will go out the way of the mad Roman Emperors. Struck down by his own people. I think Risk is still out there, a game about world domination. That might be too complex for the boy king of the DPRK.

      Like

  8. Jelli says:

    Almost afraid to comment on this… never know who’s listening/watching. But, damn, that’s funny! Fisher-Price to the rescue again!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You have a risky streak in you nature, eagle, either that or a provocative ego hellbent on wide scale destruction and annihilation. Oh, wait, just realised, this story is about both sides, the best form of defence is offence, right?

    Now, I wonder where the Fisher Price toy was made…

    Liked by 1 person

  10. draliman says:

    Ha, hilarious! He is a bit of a joke. I’m glad somebody’s keeping his fingers well away from any unfortunate buttons 🙂
    (p.s. if you get a late-night visit from any Korean-looking chaps, I don’t know you. Sorry.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Sometimes the heroes are guys on the other side, keeping hotheads cool. Don’t worry, I doubt they’re reading this space, but even if they waterboard me I won’t give up your name. 😉 Glad you had fun, and thanks! 🙂

      Like

  11. pennygadd51 says:

    It’s a nicely written story, which is the purpose of the photo challenge. I can’t help feeling, though, that your political analysis is flawed. Kim Jong Un seems to me to be fairly rational. He’s goaded the USA into a position where they can be presented to his people as the aggressor. That justifies the sacrifices that he Koreans are required to make to arm the country with nuclear missiles. He knows he can’t hope to win a war with the USA, but he believes that without nukes he’s dead meat.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Thank you. But now let’s remember this story is pure satire. We shouldn’t take it too seriously.

      That said, I don’t believe Un is nearly that clever at all. He’s not maneuvering anyone, he’s simply following a policy of belligerence set down by Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jung-Il before him. Throughout all of these regimes the US was portrayed as an aggressor. Nothing has changed under Jung-Un. Portraying the US as evil monsters is just business as usual. Secondly, the DPRK didn’t have a successful nuclear test (they’d been working on weaponizing since 1985) until 25 May 2009:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_nuclear_weapons_tests_of_North_Korea

      So what about all the “decades” before then when they had no nuclear weapons? Were they dead meat prior to controlling nukes? No, they were not. They were not attacked by anyone. They weren’t in danger of military action at all. They were engaged with diplomacy. Nukes were unnecessary, and millions of North Koreans died of starvation and disease purely to please the egos of the DPRK’s obese family of rulers.

      Like

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