Paddy Finds His Calling

Photo by: Kathryn Forbes

It was all a big mistake. Mem’Ank’Mati was supposed to awaken in the afterlife surrounded by slave girls and his favorite chariot. Instead, because a drunk priest applied palm oil instead of olive oil, he awoke inside a thirty-meter Egyptian statue. One that happened to be touring in Wiltshire, UK.

Mem’Ank’Mati was angry. Animating a giant statue, he smashed his way out of the museum. He wanted something, but wasn’t sure what it was. So he crashed through the city, toppling buildings everywhere he went.

The military intervened but their weapons merely bounced off and smashed yet more buildings.

Nearby, Paddy O’Sullivan sat in a pub getting drunk once more. He’d been fired because, again, he’d proven unreliable to manage anything. He’d experienced Delerium Tremens many times, so when an enormous, raging face appeared in the window he lofted his glass and said, “Care for a pint?”

One hour later, Mem’Ank’Mati sat in the street, finally feeling sated. An Army crane hoisted another barrel of Stewart’s Ale to Mem’Ank’Mati.

“Are you mad?” shouted Paddy at the Army Master-Sergeant.

“Sorry sir!” replied the twenty-year special forces veteran

“Give him Barry’s Barleywine!” He patted Mem’Ank’Mati. “There, there. You’ll be right as rain!”
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction:

Author’s Notes:

Beer in Egypt
“Beer was a staple of the Egyptian’s daily diet as well as a common form of compensation for work and frequently prescribed for one’s health.”

Beer is ancient. Oldest records show is was produced nearly 7,000 years ago. It is known that Egyptians drank beer and some historians surmise the Egyptians used beer as a form of currency. It’s common to ask friends for help moving and offer them beer as motivation. Likewise, it’s theorized that the pyramids were not built by slaves, but by willing men…who were paid in beer. Now that’s how things get done!

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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17 Responses to Paddy Finds His Calling

  1. Joy Pixley says:

    Ah, so THAT’S what he wanted. They should have tried the same thing with Godzilla — maybe he only wanted a barrel of brandy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. themesretro says:

    Good beer makes everyone happier. Care for a pint?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. JS Brand says:

    Ooer, Eagle Eye, an Irishman who drinks heavily? You’re a braver flash fictioneer than I am. I think your apparent stereotyping can be defended, though, on the basis that this Irish joke is one of those that shows the Irish are a lot smarter than the other type of Irish joke would suggest. He was very smart to specify barley wine – I remember this as a popular tipple for underage drinkers when I was a youth, owing to its higher alcohol content when compared with standard beers.
    Good story.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. It’s okay to stereotype if you’re doing it to yourself. Richard Pryor proved that. 😉 Over here in the States, barleywine is virtually unknown to anyone under the age of 40, and then only among those with advanced college degrees. Any beer outside Bud Lite and Coors Lite is considered the libation of the Beer Snob–and I happily admit to being one. I suppose that’s the Irish in me. 😉

      Thanks much! 🙂


  4. Lyn says:

    What? No Guinness? 😮 Paddy should be ashamed of himself not treating Mem’Ank’Mati to something really special. Mind you, I don’t mind an icy cold beer on occasions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Oh Guinness was the very FIRST thing he gave to Mem’Ank’Mati! A mere Bud Lite could never slow down a rampaging, undead, Egyptian sorcerer/golem. At least the Guinness made him pause long enough to try other fine brews. And me too, I like the craft-brewed stuff made with love in mind rather than profit. 😉 Thanks Lyn! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ceayr says:

    Fun story, Eric, but speaking as a mere Scot, what do I know about alcoholic beverages?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. James says:

    I guess it beats Peter Venkman’s original solution of how to placate the giant marshmallow man.

    “This guy’s okay. He’s a sailor, he’s in New York. We get this guy l*id and we won’t have any problems.” (resurrected the line from memory).

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Love it. Great story Eric.

    Liked by 1 person

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