The UFO Hunters convention, held near Carisbrooke Castle on the Isle of Wight, boasted thousands attending. Enthusiasts from around the world gathered to share pet conspiracy theories. Suddenly, someone pointed skyward into the fog…and screamed.
Chaos erupted as people reacted differently to the UFO. Many ran for cover, some wrote signs reading, “Welcome!” Another sign read, “Take me, but no anal probes!”
Aboard the world’s largest airship, tasked with hauling building maintenance materials to Carisbrooke Castle, the Captain glared through his binoculars at the chaotic scene below. He shook his head. “What awful timing!”
The copilot shrugged, “Don’t worry! Who takes UFO freaks seriously?”
***
The American president, whose fascination with Twitter was legendary, stared at his cell phone. To him, his friend’s tweet was clear. He turned to his top general. “Take us to DEFCON 1, and prepare a nuclear strike on the Isle of Wight.”
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Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2017/11/25/isle-of-wight-united-kingdom/
Author’s Notes:
I couldn’t resist, folks. Not with an apparent UFO visible just above the castle.
Hybrid Air Vehicles makes the world’s largest airship, designed for cargo hauling. Originally intended for the US Army, the project was cancelled in 2013. Recently, the UK provided funds to get the project, “off the ground” again. Who knows what people would think of it.
http://www.popularmechanics.com/flight/a14165/airlander-10-largest-airship-in-the-world/
Ah, so that’s what it was. You depict the Isle of Wight much as Roswell, New Mexico is pictured in my neck of the woods. Petty sure both locations are relatively safe from nuclear attack.
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Hehe. Roswell is where American UFO Hunters like to go. Who know where European UFO Hunters visit? I’m sure there’s many locations. And yeah, I’m sure Roswell and Wight are pretty safe, even if one must hide the nuclear football to keep it that way. 😉
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I read a story once that during the Obama Presidency, then-Vice President Joe Biden kept having his limo driver try to outrun the car behind with the officer who physically carried the “football,” driving that person nuts. It may have been sport to Biden, but if nuclear war broke out and President Obama had been unavailable or incapacitated, it would have been a difficult thing.
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Oh yeah, that wasn’t a game he should’ve played. The whole concept of MAD breaks down if there’s a notion that the US couldn’t respond instantly to nuclear attack.
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Wow! I never dreamed Siamese-twin pigs could fly!
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Haha! Right? Apparently it only works with Siamese twin pigs, and only then if they’re really, really big. 😉
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Nope. Our president can’t possibly attack a place with the name that sounds too much like “I love white”. 🙂
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OMG! You “went there.” Haha! So that means he wouldn’t mind attacking Brownsville Station?
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I don’t know why people doubt UFO’s. I was kidnapped three times by aliens, last week alone! 🙂 That Airlander’s in a bit of trouble just now – crashed and was reduced to a large quantity of fabric draped across a field. One of the crew was hurt, luckily not badly: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/11/19/worlds-largest-aircraft-crashes-bedfordshire-injuring-member/
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Uh huh. I thought it was you I saw on the spaceship. 😉
Apparently, the airship didn’t crash. It automatically deflates if it breaks free of the mooring, and that’s happened before. Now they just gotta figure out why it does that. The V-22 Osprey had far worse mishaps and now it’s a reliable workhorse.
Hopefully they work the problems out in this machine. Good find on the link by the way. Thanks for that.
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Dear Eric,
No doubt John Lennon and Elvis Presley are hanging out there. I’ve always known. 😉 You make me laugh. (Very much appreciated today, thank you.)
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Yep, they’re enjoying themselves. Amelia Earhart is showing them around. 😉 Happy to know you got a much needed laugh. Its my pleasure to share them every time.
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Hahaha, that’s great! I was going to be seriously disappointed if you didn’t work a UFO into your tale. But the twist was an even bigger treat! Poor Isle of Wight….
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Haha! I saw where you mentioned the UFO and I knew what my job was. 😉 And don’t worry about Wight, it’s perfectly safe. The White House staff knew just what to do: they trotted out a Russian beauty contestant (actually Russian Agent 0069) and he forgot all about the Isle of Wight. 😉
Thanks so much!
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What a naughty number for your Russian agent!
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Hehe. I didn’t think that would slip past anyone. Guess what sort of missions the FSB sends her on… 😉
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Well, I wonder how the Twitter addict would react to places such as Woop Woop, Humpty Doo, Tittybong, Watanobbi, Pimpinbudgie. I kid you not. These are actual places in Oz.
http://www.list-directory.info/lists/place-names.html
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I’m pretty sure he’d try to build a hotel/tower in all of them. 😉
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LOL and I can just see the inhabitants looking at them and muttering, “Stone the flammin’ crows, what’s wrong with this drongo?”
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I’m pretty sure if he heard that, he’d assume he was being adored and revered. 😉
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Poor old Isle of Wight – reduced to molten debris by a trigger happy Twitter fiend! Would be amazing to see one of these huge airships fly, though of course, being a history graduate, I’d always have the Hindenburg and the R101 in the back of my head. I know they’re less flammable than they used to be, but still … Nice tale
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Don’t worry about the Isle. The White House staff hid the nuclear football until the commercials on Fox News ended. Then he started drafting a nasty tweet about Hillary Clinton and forgot all about the Isle.
Luckily this new airship isn’t filled with hydrogen. So it won’t go up in flames like the Hindenburg. I’m hoping it works out well. It can haul huge amounts of cargo fro days, much faster than a boat and it can go anywhere. Crossing my fingers.
Thanks so much for stopping in and commenting. 🙂
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Phew! Thank goodness for the man’s short attention span! Could be an interesting sight, seeing these coming back and forth from building developments!
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Great story. Reminds me of the kooky gatherings in Roswell.
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Oh yeah, those Roswell gatherings came immediately to my mind. I figure there’s gotta be places in Europe where they like to gather too. I’m thinking Tunguska is just too remote. 😉
Thanks much!
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I think the IoW would be an ideal place for the Convention in 2019! I’ll bring it up in the next AGM. Thank you for the suggestion, EagleAye.
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Hehe. My pleasure. I want to go there some time too. It looks beautiful.
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BTW I thought your story was hilarious!
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Awesome. Thank you so much! 🙂
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“Take me, but no anal probes!” FAVORITE line among many. Your story made me laugh. Thanks Thanks Thanks
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Hehe. I hoped folks would get a kick out of that. Very happy you laughed. Thanks kindly! 🙂
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you are so funny…. no anal probes – bah
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Hehe. Thanks bunches! 🙂
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