The Naive

The town shrunk daily, but it was important to Mortimer to keep the graveyard looking pristine. His grass slowly perished in the summer heat despite his best efforts.

Frank the salesman held up a large can. “It’s called Live-All Fertilizer. It’ll restore life to anything, no matter the circumstances.”

“Sounds great,” sighed Mortimer. “How much?”

“Ten Dollars per gallon.”

Cripes, that too cheap! thought Mortimer. What a naive salesman.

“I’ll take ten gallons.”

The Salesman decided to stay at the motel across the street. He even gave Mortimer the room number. Mortimer shrugged and wrote down the info. He applied the fertilizer that afternoon.

The next morning Mortimer pounded on the Salesman’s motel door. “Your fertilizer made zombies you idiot!”

Amid screams of “Brains!” the Salesman held up a bottle. “Zom-B-Gone! Takes down zombies on contact.”

“Fine! I’ll take ten bottles.”

“Great,” grinned the Salesman. “That’ll be $5,000 per bottle.”
______________________________________
Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2017/12/15/what-pegman-saw-buckhorn-iowa/

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About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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29 Responses to The Naive

  1. There’s one born every minute. This happened to me when I bought that mosquito farm, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. k rawson says:

    Oh no! Clever, grim, and funny. Beware the cheap fertilizer!

    Like

  3. James says:

    Create the need and they’ll come. I recently wrote a zombie story of my own, but it was far longer and more involved than this one (and of course, it lacked your humorous touch).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Joy Pixley says:

    Ha ha, who’s naive now? Clever foreshadowing — as soon as the salesman said it brings *anything* back to life, I knew what was coming. And the best part was that he was totally honest about what the fertilizer would do, too!

    Liked by 2 people

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. He was honest. The discussion they had in my head included the Salesman pointing out that he told no lies. Then again he didn’t tell any complete truths either. Mortimer was too naive to realize that any deal too good to be true, probably is. πŸ˜‰

      Thank Joy! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lyn says:

    And therein lies the catch…any deal too good to be true, probably is. LOL it’s like free lunches. If you have it in writing, beware πŸ˜€ Clever, Eric, clever.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bwahahahaha! Very cool. That salesman didn’t sell cars in his spare time did he? πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Jake says:

    I chuckled. Thanks for making my night just a little better.

    Like

  8. Dear Eric,

    So much for naivete, eh? I wonder what problems Zom-B-Gone might cause. πŸ˜‰ I can always count on you for an unconventional story. You never disappoint.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. unconventional is my middle name. πŸ˜‰ Sure there’s side-effects to Zom-B-gone, but of course, that’s going to cost… πŸ˜‰ Thanks so much, Rochelle! πŸ™‚

      Like

  9. pennygadd51 says:

    I guessed the fertiliser would raise the dead in some form, but I didn’t foresee Zom-B-Gon (despite your title – how naΓ―ve am I?).
    Nice one, EagleAye!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Hehe. He’s a slick salesman. He’s used to making his money this way. Unfortunately, for Mortimer, he didn’t see the end coming, and now he’ll be paying a high price for it. πŸ˜‰

      Thanks so much! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This had me howling out loud. Brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. draliman says:

    Oh boy, when I read “restore life to anything” I could see what was coming, but not the excellent twist whereby the salesman proves he’s not so naive after all. Very nice πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Twist after twist – I feel like a grinning contortionist!

    Liked by 1 person

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