The town shrunk daily, but it was important to Mortimer to keep the graveyard looking pristine. His grass slowly perished in the summer heat despite his best efforts.
Frank the salesman held up a large can. “It’s called Live-All Fertilizer. It’ll restore life to anything, no matter the circumstances.”
“Sounds great,” sighed Mortimer. “How much?”
“Ten Dollars per gallon.”
Cripes, that too cheap! thought Mortimer. What a naive salesman.
“I’ll take ten gallons.”
The Salesman decided to stay at the motel across the street. He even gave Mortimer the room number. Mortimer shrugged and wrote down the info. He applied the fertilizer that afternoon.
The next morning Mortimer pounded on the Salesman’s motel door. “Your fertilizer made zombies you idiot!”
Amid screams of “Brains!” the Salesman held up a bottle. “Zom-B-Gone! Takes down zombies on contact.”
“Fine! I’ll take ten bottles.”
“Great,” grinned the Salesman. “That’ll be $5,000 per bottle.”
______________________________________
Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2017/12/15/what-pegman-saw-buckhorn-iowa/
EagleAye
Momus News 
There’s one born every minute. This happened to me when I bought that mosquito farm, too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! I still wish I hadn’t bought that flea circus. š
LikeLike
Oh no! Clever, grim, and funny. Beware the cheap fertilizer!
LikeLike
Create the need and they’ll come. I recently wrote a zombie story of my own, but it was far longer and more involved than this one (and of course, it lacked your humorous touch).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep. It’s a time-honored tactic. If there’s no need for your product, create the need.
I’m looking forward to reading your Zombie story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha. Great.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank much, Indira! Good to see you. š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks.
LikeLike
Thanks.How is your daughter? Give her my love and blessings.
LikeLike
She’s fine. Growing and talking more all the time. Thanks for asking. I’ll be sure to give her some hugs for you. š
LikeLiked by 1 person
š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha, who’s naive now? Clever foreshadowing — as soon as the salesman said it brings *anything* back to life, I knew what was coming. And the best part was that he was totally honest about what the fertilizer would do, too!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hehe. He was honest. The discussion they had in my head included the Salesman pointing out that he told no lies. Then again he didn’t tell any complete truths either. Mortimer was too naive to realize that any deal too good to be true, probably is. š
Thank Joy! š
LikeLiked by 1 person
And therein lies the catch…any deal too good to be true, probably is. LOL it’s like free lunches. If you have it in writing, beware š Clever, Eric, clever.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true. When someone offers to sell you a bridge in Brooklyn for cheap, you really oughta’ be suspicious. š
Thanks Lyn! š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bwahahahaha! Very cool. That salesman didn’t sell cars in his spare time did he? š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe. Nope. And when DARPA and the CDC find out about this, they’ll do just about anything to find his lab. š
Thanks Matthew! š
LikeLike
I chuckled. Thanks for making my night just a little better.
LikeLike
My pleasure. Thamks for stopping in! š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Eric,
So much for naivete, eh? I wonder what problems Zom-B-Gone might cause. š I can always count on you for an unconventional story. You never disappoint.
Shalom,
Rochelle
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe. unconventional is my middle name. š Sure there’s side-effects to Zom-B-gone, but of course, that’s going to cost… š Thanks so much, Rochelle! š
LikeLike
I guessed the fertiliser would raise the dead in some form, but I didn’t foresee Zom-B-Gon (despite your title – how naĆÆve am I?).
Nice one, EagleAye!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe. He’s a slick salesman. He’s used to making his money this way. Unfortunately, for Mortimer, he didn’t see the end coming, and now he’ll be paying a high price for it. š
Thanks so much! š
LikeLiked by 1 person
This had me howling out loud. Brilliant.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love it. Thank you very much! š
LikeLike
Oh boy, when I read “restore life to anything” I could see what was coming, but not the excellent twist whereby the salesman proves he’s not so naive after all. Very nice š
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehe. Anyone who’s read my stories knew what the “restore” line would mean. I like that. Thanks so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Twist after twist – I feel like a grinning contortionist!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! Your face got a workout. So glad to hear it. Thanks kindly! š
LikeLike