No Doping Here

Walt’s plane had engine trouble and landed at a remote city in Krasnoyarsk Krai, Russia. It turned out that Russian athletes trained there. Their remote location prevented distractions.

As an Olympic weightlifter, Walt asked for a tour. He soon realized the athletes had been remotely located for too long.

Coach Yvgeny walked beside him saying, “Our athletes might be intimidated. Don’t worry.”

The 6’5″ and solidly muscled Walt sighed, “I’m used to my size intimidating people. I’m an athlete too.”

“You are athlete?” Yvgeny looked disappointed. “I meant they never meet Americans.”

They walked into a brick building. “The accusations of doping are ridiculous. Come! Meet Dominika.”

Walt felt his draw drop at the stunning woman before him. She stood nearly 7-feet tall. Her muscular arms were the size Walt’s huge legs.

“You’re a weightlifter?” squeaked Walt.

“Ach! No,” blushed Dominika. “I am wimp, like you. I am Competitive Basket Weaver.”
Written for What Pegman Saw:

Russia’s top athlete for Olympic Competitive Ice Sculpture. She told our correspondent from Momus News, “I am dainty girly-girl. I like beading necklaces with used engine blocks.”:

This reminds me of back in the 80s when the East German women were so powerfully built they could’ve snapped a man’s neck with their nostrils.

Seriously now:

Russia has been banned from the Olympics in 2018 for doping their athletes:

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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22 Responses to No Doping Here

  1. Dear Eric,

    No doping there for sure. A little steroid tea anyone? Perhaps Steroid Fudge Sundae? Good one.



    Liked by 1 person

  2. James says:

    As I recall, there were allegations that some of the women were actually men. Also, I’ve recently read some stories claiming that male-to-female transsexual athletes do not represent an unfair advantage due to their physique, which seems a dubious claim at best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Yeah, I’ve read that one too. I agree with you, M-F transsexuals must have some physical advantage. The only problem is that’s a political powder keg. I think transsexuals should be allowed to compete, but in what gender? Should we add one? I’m not certain how that should be handled.

      Liked by 1 person

      • James says:

        Now that’s an interesting question since the concept of “gender fluid” suggests multiple gender assignments could be available. On the other hand, the raw numbers say that they should occupy less than 1% of all human beings, so how many competing athelites are we really talking about?

        Liked by 1 person

      • EagleAye says:

        It couldn’t be very many. I’d say less than 1%. So that begs the question, is it worth the trouble? Do we need something separate like Paralympic Games? So a Transsexual Games?

        Transsexuals receive hormone treatments that would, theoretically, eliminate male muscle-tone in a male-to-female transition. This would be hard to verify, though. Not all people born as women develop muscle the same way. Consider Venus vs. Serena Williams. They’re sisters but with very different physical builds. So how could we verify if a male-to-female transitioner has reached their new fully-female build? I don’t know.

        Perhaps, if we have male-to-female athletes who medal, they can win an “alternative bronze/silver/gold medal” while athletes born to their gender still receive a standard medal. That probably wouldn’t satisfy everyone, but it’s perhaps workable for now.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember the East German swim team in the 72 olympics introducing me to the concept of androgyny. Great story. She weaves the baskets out of steel wire!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I remember their ice skaters looking like weight lifters. East Germany swore up and down they used no steroids, but looking at those women, with their very masculine square-ish chins and swollen muscles it was obvious they got “help.”

      And yeah, she makes earings from the steel rebar of abandoned buildings. (even her ears have muscles) 😉 Thanks JH!


      • I’ve seen an interview with that bodybuilder where she said that she used steroids to further her goal of becoming the most muscular woman in the world. It’s a type of body dysmorphia similar to anorexia and employs many of the same controlling behaviors.

        Liked by 1 person

      • EagleAye says:

        Did you see the pics of Lyle Alzado before he passed on? Steroids made him buff to start, but in the end they wrecked his body.


  4. Lyn says:

    Maybe Dominika and Walt should get together. I remember the Chinese women swimmers from the world swimming championships in 1994 and 1998. My goodness! They looked like linebackers 😮

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Some girlie-girl. She has the body of a woman and arms of a man. There’s plenty of room for suspicion there. Good writing, Eric. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Cara Hartley says:

    Very funny and entertaining.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. k rawson says:

    Entertaining story followed by some thought-provoking commentary. Maybe the unduly advantaged can be awarded the osmium, lead or iron instead of the gold, silver, or bronze?

    Liked by 1 person

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