The Euphemism

The small Caribbean island no longer had human residents. All that remained was a team of scientists. They sat in an armored shelter overlooking the site. Dr. Ewan Johnson watched through binoculars and carefully took notes as the helicopter flew in.

“I still can’t believe we’ve got living Terror Birds,” said Dr Hewitt, the newest team member.

“The new DNA techniques made it possible to grow these beauties,” said Johnson.

“Hell yeah. Those two-meter tall carnivores are incredibly efficient killers.”

“True, but further study is necessary.”

As the helicopter landed, Johnson wrote in his log.

The animals are no longer afraid of the helicopter. They rush towards it, knowing the machine always brings live food.

“So who is this guy the Justice Department is bringing in?”

“Some doctor who molested a whole bunch of young girls.”

“What’s his name?”

“Dunno. The shipping manifest just says: ‘Live Prey Item: 1’ ”
___________________________________
Written for What Pegman Saw: https://whatpegmansaw.com/2018/01/20/pico-duarte-dominican-republic/

Author’s Notes:

Euphemism: the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.

Larry Nassar (the offensive term): A doctor accused of molesting 150 girls including Olympic athletes.

Terror Bird: “…colloquially known as terror birds, are an extinct clade of large carnivorous flightless birds that were the largest species of apex predators in South America during the Cenozoic era; their temporal range covers from 62 to 1.8 million years ago…They ranged in height from 1–3 metres (3.3–9.8 ft) tall…”

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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34 Responses to The Euphemism

  1. k rawson says:

    LOVE your fitting and imaginative take on the prompt.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Deb Whittam says:

    Kind of cruel but kind of right

    Liked by 3 people

  3. James says:

    Personally, I’d like to feed all of these child molesters and rapists to flesh-eating birds, but I don’t think a lot of people share my viewpoint in terms of justice.

    I recently read a story (this is graphic so don’t read any further if that will offend you) about a guy who raped his girlfriends 17-month-old daughter for hours and when the baby wouldn’t stop crying, he beat her to death. The prosecutor is pursuing the death penalty but probably won’t get it. I have a 2 1/2 year old granddaughter and I know exactly what I’d want to do if anyone hurt her.

    But since it’s illegal for me to do any of that, I wrote a horror story instead, one about a group of vampiric children visiting this monster in his cell at night. Unfortunately, even the most horrific revenge won’t be a comfort to victims who died in agony and terror.

    Liked by 3 people

    • EagleAye says:

      Excellent comments! I read it all. I agree with your sense of justice, but yeah, not everyone would agree with it. I know that when I write such stories they’re less popular than the pure light-hearted humor ones. I find myself “enraged” at what this doctor has done. So I write this story just to give my feelings a place to vent out.

      The story you found is particularly horrific. A quick death for him would be far too kind. I cannot imagine a sociopath like that is “correctable” so I don’t think we should even try. I would be offended if my tax dollars supplied him with food and clothing. It’s a waste when children in the world are starving.

      Thanks for your thoughts. Any chance your horror story is posted online?

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Dale says:

    I say we gather ’em all and feed ’em to the birds!! Save a ton-load of money at the same time.
    Great take!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Joy Pixley says:

    Those birds would definitely provoke terror; well-named. Although I wonder if these scientists will soon regret teaching the birds that humans are their favored food source. Might have thought ahead and fed them a poisoned, nasty-tasting human or two and then lots of yummy cows.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      Haha! Oh, they weren’t feeding them humans. Child molesters should never be confused with Humans. They’re just feeding them a different kind of bird. A “jail bird” to be specific. 😉 One that wouldn’t survive in a jail anyway given prisoner’s feelings about pedophiles.

      Thanks for the visit Joy!

      Liked by 3 people

      • Joy Pixley says:

        Hm, I wonder if the Terror Birds are going to make that fine of a distinction among their meal options!

        Liked by 2 people

      • EagleAye says:

        Hehe. Realistically? No. They’d have to stay on the island for sure. But then, it’s not important if they know they’re getting rid of our garbage for us. All that’s important is we get to run scientific studies and clean our house all at once. We’re killing two “birds” (actually just one) with one stone. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lyn says:

        Yeah, fellow prisoners have their own justice when it comes to “rock spiders.”

        Liked by 1 person

  6. tedstrutz says:

    Good one EA. I thought of good old Larry, then saw your photo. Yep. Your opening lines were perfect for the photo you chose.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Lyn says:

    What a pity that can’t really happen. There is no punishment harsh enough for child rapists and murderers. I think they should all be invited to The Australian Reptile Park to help celebrate Elvis the Cranky Croc’s birthday each year – after dark of course, so park visitors aren’t upset at the thought of Elvis being harmed in anyway. https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/newslocal/central-coast/cranky-croc-elvis-rocks-n-rolls-as-he-celebrates-50th-birthday-with-half-a-dead-cow/news-story/0082fe5c85a67306185b7327779da1c5

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Dahlia says:

    Would like it to be a true story. Nicely crafted.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. pennygadd51 says:

    Those birds won’t stay there…
    Mind you, even if they escape, they won’t prosper. We humans are incredibly efficient killers.
    Well told story, EagleAye, if a bit bloody.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Their is a rawness in your telling of this story, as if you are settling into this tale, and letting go of your imagination. Which is a good thing. The humour is gone, which I find interesting. A bit like singers losing their accent when they, well, sing.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Lynn Love says:

    Heartfelt and interesting take on the prompt – Jurassic Park meets the Roman Colosseum. There is some justice there and I share your rage, though I always feel uncomfortable about the idea of a death penalty since learning about Timothy Evans https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Evans, Ruth Ellis https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Ellis (and many other miscarriages of justice)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. draliman says:

    Ha! Forget the whole “Escape From New York” style of justice, this is much better 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  13. It would be unfair to animals that hunt to call him a predator. Good post, Eric. —- Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

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