Impractical Magic

Posted on January 24, 2018 by EagleAye

Photo by: Sandra Crook

Chief Inspector Dawkins pointed to the decrepit building. “There’s a sorcerer in there. Mayor Cranston wants us to arrest him.”

“What did he do?” said Inspector Poole.

“It took some investigating to get the truth.”

“So…?”

“Turns out, Cranston’s mistress was disappointed with his diminutive, ah….”

“What?”

“His bishop.”

“Eh?”

“Pork sword.”

“Oh! His willy.

“Right. She went to this sorcerer for help. After she drank a certain potion anything she touched would be reversed.”

“So small would become big. Makes sense.”

“Right. She held his…you know.”

“And…?”

“Mayor Cranston is now quite distressed with his…Wilma.”
_____________________________________
Written for the Friday Fictioneers: https://rochellewisoff.com/2018/01/24/26-january-2018/

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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42 Responses to Impractical Magic

  1. Susan A Eames says:
    January 24, 2018 at 1:30 PM

    Ha ha – don’t quite know what to say! You made me laugh anyway.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  2. J. E. Kennedy says:
    January 24, 2018 at 1:49 PM

    Haha! Great story! I love the dialogue, you can hear the embarrassment from Dawkins. It reminds me of the Carol Ann Duffy poem ‘Frau Freud’. Very well done!

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. pennygadd51 says:
    January 24, 2018 at 2:13 PM

    Haha! Gender reassignment without the pain of surgery! Let’s hope the sorcerer can restore his donger…er, Johnson…er, tally whacker!
    Sounds like the law of unintended consequences strikes again.
    Fun story, EagleAye!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • EagleAye says:
      January 24, 2018 at 4:34 PM

      Haha. Tallywhacker was one I wanted to add to it. I think the sorcerer can restore him, and then some. Safe to say though, the sorcerer will be moving on to another city. He no longer has a license to practice magic. 😉

      Thanks Penny! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. James says:
    January 24, 2018 at 2:25 PM

    Yikes! Reverse the reverse and quickly! Oh, by the way, I liked “pork sword.” 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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    • EagleAye says:
      January 24, 2018 at 4:36 PM

      Haha! No kidding. As you might imagine the sorcerer wasn’t taken to jail. He went to the Mayor’s mansion for some “corrective spellwork.” Glad you enjoyed the term. I found a long list of them. I wish I could’ve used more.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. Iain Kelly says:
    January 24, 2018 at 3:15 PM

    Hee hee. A funny childish snigger 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. J Hardy Carroll says:
    January 24, 2018 at 3:24 PM

    The Liszt fan wants a two-inch pianist to carry in his pocket. Probably should have enunciated better.

    Liked by 2 people

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  7. Joy Pixley says:
    January 24, 2018 at 6:08 PM

    Lol, great use of euphemisms! And yes, those magic items never seem to work the way you expect!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Lyn says:
    January 24, 2018 at 11:31 PM

    Oh dear…. 🙄

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. Sandra says:
    January 25, 2018 at 2:47 AM

    I think it’s going to need a little more work… the situation, I mean.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • EagleAye says:
      January 25, 2018 at 11:03 AM

      Hehe. Not only that needs work. After all this to-do I’m sure the Mayor’s wife will have some “interesting comments” on the entire…affair.

      Thanks for stopping in Sandra. 🙂

      Like

      Reply
  12. Dale says:
    January 25, 2018 at 5:06 PM

    That was a burst out laughing ending!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. rochellewisoff says:
    January 25, 2018 at 5:07 PM

    Dear Eric,

    What a predicament. Glad I wasn’t eating or drinking. My keyboard is saved. Hilarious.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  14. justjoyfulness says:
    January 26, 2018 at 12:10 AM

    Loved the conversation between the euphemist and the straight-talking cops. LOL 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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  15. Courtney Wright says:
    January 26, 2018 at 12:51 PM

    HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! That was too funny!! Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  16. kindredspirit23 says:
    January 26, 2018 at 5:01 PM

    Hmm, The Cardashians should never shake hands with her!
    mine:

    A Whimsical Tale


    Scott

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  17. rgayer55 says:
    January 27, 2018 at 7:31 AM

    Well done, Eric. I laughed until I stopped. I think Cranston’s wife must have touched Donald Trump’s butt. He’s twice the asshole he was before the election.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • EagleAye says:
      January 27, 2018 at 11:44 AM

      Thank you! Great to know you had a laugh.

      Apparently it was Stormy Daniels who visited the same sorcerer. And if Trump is twice the asshole (my calculations say three times) it makes me wonder what Daniels was doing with her fingers… 😉

      Like

      Reply
  18. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) says:
    January 28, 2018 at 5:11 AM

    Ha.. reversal work in mysterious ways.

    Liked by 1 person

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