The Hypocrite

Joel loved statuary. His latest acquisition rested in the center of the garden pond. He walked by it with a smile as he carried a box to towards the fence.

He hadn’t quite reached the barrier before the raspy voice of his neighbor, Vera Colquitt, assailed his ears.

“Mr. Hollander!” she growled. “I’ve been patient with you, but this is the last straw!”

Patient? Thought Joel. Calling the cops to my house three times was patient?

“What’s the problem, Vera?”

“Pornography, Mr. Hollander. That thing, in your pond.”

Joel turned to his latest purchase. “That’s not pornography, Vera. That’s a sculpture of Poseidon and his mortal lover, Euryale. Their son, Orion could walk on water.”

“Blasphemy!”

“It’s just a Greek myth.”

“It’s perversion, Mr. Hollander. Remove that pagan idol at once!”

“Or what?”

“You’ll burn in Hell for your lustful perversions!”

“I’ll not remove it, Vera.” He held up the box. “But I will give you this. It arrived at my door. I opened it by mistake.”

“So?”

“Turns out it was addressed to you. This is yours, I’m afraid.”

“What is it?”

“Five-inch stilettos, a leather bodice, and a bull whip.”
______________________________________
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2018/01/28/sunday-photo-fiction-january-28th-2018/

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
This entry was posted in Short Fiction and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to The Hypocrite

  1. Iain Kelly says:

    Haha, what goes on behind closed doors! On a more serious note, it does feel like we have come full circle and are entering a new puritanical age where sculpture and art will need to more modest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      I think we’ve been there a long time. You don’t see very many nudes outside much at all. In museums yes, but not in places the general public frequents. I took this pic in a sculpture garden where you must pay to get in. In America, we don’t view the human body quite the same as the ancient Greeks.

      Thanks for the visit! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Joy Pixley says:

    Ah, the classic “hypocrite in glass house throwing stones” theme — an oldie but a goody! And a great twist for this story; you had me really hoping he had some way of shutting up that nosy neighbor. And he did, hooray!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. prior.. says:

    hahah – hypocrite indeed – was Vera a lawyer by an chance?

    and side note –
    “latest acquisition”

    said so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lyn says:

    I know which one I’d prefer as a neighbour. LOL I remember one lady at church counting the months after I married. She was disappointed – our daughter wasn’t born till two years later 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Danny James says:

    Lot of that going around in the political area today.

    DJ

    Liked by 1 person

  6. BarbCT says:

    What a wonderful tale illustrating the saying “a case of the kettle calling the pot black.” I thoroughly enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. goroyboy says:

    Touché! I enjoy the dialogue, very engaging

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Ha ha ha ha ha. Poor Vera. I would have loved to see her face at that point 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. A very beautifully crafted story. I enjoyed it to the hilt especially the part about the package that arrives. Well done Sir, and thanks for the amazing photo.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Not so puritanical after all! Great picture – thanks for taking it from behind!

    Click to read my SunPhoFic!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Me doth thinks you protest too much… much?? Usually the very things we find wrong with others are the things that lie in secret in our own heart! 😉 Well done! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  12. List of X says:

    What hypocrisy? The whip is for self-flagellation, the heels are a size too small to enhance the self-torture, and the leather bodice is blessed to scare off demons.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Dahlia says:

    In her self-righteous anger I guess she forgot about her own purchase! Or perhaps someone sent it to her just to annoy her 😀 An enjoyable read and a great photo – thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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