Raging Koala

Photo by: Al Forbes

Fourteen-year old Sarah owned an Australian clock and a stuffed animal Koala named Mr. Kissing.

One night she wished Mr. Kissing would become a real, talking Koala. Her wish was granted, and five minutes later she wished it wasn’t.

Months later, Sarah awoke and found Mr. Kissing at the foot of her bed, lighting a cigar.

“Good morning, Mr. Kissing,” said Sarah.

“What’s good about it?” growled Mr. Kissing. “I’m still waitin’ on me cuppa.”

Only two things the koala didn’t complain about: cigars and coffee. And woe betide everyone if he didn’t get them.

“Be nice just once?”

“What for? Did your parents make you eat their shit? I’m traumatized. Me childhood was devo!”

“Fine,” groaned Sarah. “I’ll get coffee .”

That evening, while everyone was asleep, Mr. Kissing awoke to watch some footy with his cuppa. A burglar broke in and found him on the couch. “So cute!” exclaimed the burglar and yanked the koala off the couch.

An hour later, authorities carried the blood body out. A policeman interviewed Mr Kissing. “Did you have to slice his throat open?”

“Yeh. It’s justifiable homicide.”

“What did he do?”

Mr. Kissing growled, “Bloody bloke spilled me cuppa.”
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2018/04/01/sunday-photo-fiction-april-1st-2018/

Author’s Notes:

I couldn’t throwing in some Aussie slang. Here’s the definitions:

Cuppa: Cup of tea of coffee.
Devo: Devastated.
Footy: Football.
Bloke: Colloquial term for man.

Some curious facts about Koalas. They look cute and cuddly, but they’re not. In fact they’re really mean, and they can be formidable attackers.
“…it has evolved five long, razor-sharp claws on each hand and foot. The koala is more than strong enough to cut human flesh with these claws, and has done so on many occasions.”

“…while these things may have a cute appearance, they’re not to be approached or handled in any way. They have the ability to inflict serious injury if they feel threatened or challenged. Do yourself a favor and observe the cuteness from a respectable distance.”

And, I didn’t make this up: Koala mothers feed their poop to their babies. This way the bacteria that breaks down Eucalyptus leaves gets into the baby’s stomach.
“Koala joeys feed on their mother’s “pap,” which is a kind of soup the koalas make internally and excrete—so yes, baby koalas eat their mother’s droppings. They’re full of microorganisms and get their tiny digestive tracts ready for a lifetime of leaves for lunch.”

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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17 Responses to Raging Koala

  1. Indira says:

    Thanks for the information about koalas. I thought you made up all that. Cute story. They look so cute.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. James says:

    It would have been justice if the burglar had gone to prison and Mr. Kissing had gone with him.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Anna Rymer says:

    For a minute there, I thought it was going to be a successful kidnapping but one they would come to regret 🙂 Sounds like the burglar got off lightly 🙂
    The joy of Mr Kissing doesn’t compare – great name 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      If it was a regrettable kidnapping, that would’ve been funnier. The bad guys abashedly returning him would’ve been great. Unfortunately, I didn’t have room for that. Maybe in a longer piece. Thanks for stopping in and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. List of X says:

    Sounds like a long lost brother of Ted from the Seth MacFarlane’s movies.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yuk, thank God I wasn’t born a Koala and grew up on just milk 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Lyn says:

    Struth Eli, you sure know ya onions when it comes to Koalas. Flammin’ things will pee on you too if you walk under their tree. There is a sub-species of the Koala that are called “Drop Bears” – even though they too aren’t bears. They congregate around camping grounds and drop on unsuspecting people when they walk from their tent to the bathroom facilities. They seem to prefer tourists and rarely attack campers with Australian accents. The only way to protect yourself is by putting Vegemite behind your ears – they hate the stuff. Vegemite is available in tubes from supermarkets and camping suppliers. Think I’m kiddin’ about drop bears? Cast your eyes over what the Australian Geographic says…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. athling2001 says:

    Great take on the prompt. I think I would have put Mr Kissing out in the snow.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Mike says:

    Well well, I have learnt something today. I will here after be giving koalas a wide birth. Sadly that may be difficult after what I wrote for this weeks prompt.🙂


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