Fourteen-year old Sarah owned an Australian clock and a stuffed animal Koala named Mr. Kissing.
One night she wished Mr. Kissing would become a real, talking Koala. Her wish was granted, and five minutes later she wished it wasn’t.
Months later, Sarah awoke and found Mr. Kissing at the foot of her bed, lighting a cigar.
“Good morning, Mr. Kissing,” said Sarah.
“What’s good about it?” growled Mr. Kissing. “I’m still waitin’ on me cuppa.”
Only two things the koala didn’t complain about: cigars and coffee. And woe betide everyone if he didn’t get them.
“Be nice just once?”
“What for? Did your parents make you eat their shit? I’m traumatized. Me childhood was devo!”
“Fine,” groaned Sarah. “I’ll get coffee .”
That evening, while everyone was asleep, Mr. Kissing awoke to watch some footy with his cuppa. A burglar broke in and found him on the couch. “So cute!” exclaimed the burglar and yanked the koala off the couch.
An hour later, authorities carried the blood body out. A policeman interviewed Mr Kissing. “Did you have to slice his throat open?”
“Yeh. It’s justifiable homicide.”
“What did he do?”
Mr. Kissing growled, “Bloody bloke spilled me cuppa.”
Written for Sunday Photo Fiction: https://sundayphotofictioner.wordpress.com/2018/04/01/sunday-photo-fiction-april-1st-2018/
I couldn’t throwing in some Aussie slang. Here’s the definitions:
Cuppa: Cup of tea of coffee.
Bloke: Colloquial term for man.
Some curious facts about Koalas. They look cute and cuddly, but they’re not. In fact they’re really mean, and they can be formidable attackers.
“…it has evolved five long, razor-sharp claws on each hand and foot. The koala is more than strong enough to cut human flesh with these claws, and has done so on many occasions.”
“…while these things may have a cute appearance, they’re not to be approached or handled in any way. They have the ability to inflict serious injury if they feel threatened or challenged. Do yourself a favor and observe the cuteness from a respectable distance.”
And, I didn’t make this up: Koala mothers feed their poop to their babies. This way the bacteria that breaks down Eucalyptus leaves gets into the baby’s stomach.
“Koala joeys feed on their mother’s “pap,” which is a kind of soup the koalas make internally and excrete—so yes, baby koalas eat their mother’s droppings. They’re full of microorganisms and get their tiny digestive tracts ready for a lifetime of leaves for lunch.”