The Santa Code – The Moonshine Grid

Written for the Moonshine Grid at Yeah, Write. An alien search for energy goes curiously, exactly, wrong after the the image.

Genre: Science Fiction/Humor/Christmas Tale

Art by: isracarrion

The Santa Code

“It’s a dangerous mission, Agent S,” said X. “We have little knowledge about this alien planet. We do know it’s jam-packed with Tigidamitating Lovuminous Conducerive energy, critical to reloading our fuel cells.”

“If it’s such a backward planet, how do they have the tech to produce so much TLC?” said S.

“Unknown. We do know that biological organisms can produce a lot of it and imbue it into physical objects. How they can do it is still a mystery.” said X, as they entered the starship’s lab. “Let’s get you geared up.” He strapped a device onto the agent’s red encounter suit. “This is your Extra-corporeal Latifinating Fabricator (ELF). In an instant, it will fabricate any tool you need. The command word is ‘Santa’.”

“Strange command word,” said S, running his fingers through his white hair. An indication of his youth.

“You need to study your history. That’s the name of an ancient martyr who sacrificed himself for the happiness of his people.”

“Yeah, okay.”

X put a an odd hat with a glowing ball at the tip on S’ head. “This is your Super-Luminal Enterprisal Distributor (SLED).”

“Sounds impressive.”

“It is. It will create millions of quantum copies of you, all searching for TLC at the same time. We’ll cover every household on the planet in a single evening this way.”

Soon, Agent S was out in the field. There were many possible entries into the target house. For maximum stealth he chose the little-used entry on the roof.

He entered the alien dwelling main room and activated his scanner. He keyed his sub-vocal mic. “You getting this, X?”

“Roger. I’m receiving.”

“I’m getting high TLC readings from this strange tree in the room. It’s covered with these colored balls. It’s got display lights that don’t make any sense.”

“Don’t touch it. It might be dangerous! It’s too big for the sack anyway. Hold on. There! On the table. Those discs on a platter. They’re packed with TLC.”

Agent S skulked to the table. “Crud!”

“What’s wrong?”

“My TLC tester is offline,” complained S.

“That’s okay. I’m tapping into your bio-readouts. You can test the discs with your tongue. Taste one.”

“Seriously? Test an energy source with my tongue?”

“In its raw form, it’s harmless.”

S touched the disc to his tongue. Hmm. That’s nice. In fact it’s really good! He took a bite and chewed. Marvelous!

“Don’t eat it! It might be poisonous. Holy…TLC readings are off the scale. Quick! Put the discs in the sack.”

As he did so, he noticed the two alien children staring at him with wide eyes.

“X…” squeaked S into his mic.

“Don’t make any sudden moves. Don’t touch them. They might be toxic. Downloading language module now. Just be friendly.”

“Hi kids,” said S in a cheery voice.

“Santa!” screeched the kids as one. “Did you like the cookies?” said the female.

“Uh yes,” said Agent S. “Loaded with TLC.”

“Don’t reveal our energy tech to them, you fool!” howled X.

The young girl beamed. “Made ’em myself. I put lots of TLC in them.”

Agent S sub-vocalized. “See? The already know about it.”

“Santa, I want a bicycle!” said the little boy.

*poof* A bicycle appeared, created instantaneously by Agent S’ Extra-corporeal Latifinating Fabricator (ELF).

X groaned. “How do they know command codes?”

“Santa, I want a Rainbow Unicorn set!” said the young girl.

*poof* A Rainbow Unicorn Set appeared.

“A Gi-Joe! A pink watch! Call of Duty 7! Barbie Corvette!” screamed the kids.

*poof* *poof* *poof* *poof*

“Get out of there!” shouted X.

“Okay kids,” said S. “You’re overheating my ELF.”

“Yeah, we know about the elfs,” said the boy.

“They know everything about us!” sub-vocalized Agent S.

“We’ve been compromised somehow,” fretted S. “I’m pulling you out.”

Back on the ship. Agent S found X as soon as he could. “X! We gotta…”

“I know, I know,” said S. “Reports are coming in from everywhere. We gotta change the command codes!”

“What about the TLC?”

“Ah! Well it turns out those discs you found are called ‘cookies’ and TLC for Earthers means, Tender Loving Care.”

“Oookay,” said Agent S, breathing a sigh of relief. “I was thinking…”

“But we’ve discovered their Tender Loving Care is exactly the same thing as Tigidamitating Lovuminous Conducerive energy.”

“You mean…”

“They’re naturally wealthy with the most powerful known energy source, and they don’t even appreciate it!”

Agent S recalled the smiling young girl and her cookies. “I think they use it and appreciate it more than we know. You should try one of these cookies!”
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I hope you enjoyed this Christmas tale written for the Moonshine Grid. Many other wonderful blog entries for the week may be found here: http://yeahwrite.me/moonshine-140/

Merry Christmas, everyone!