Photo by: artycaptures.wordpress.com.
A food thief stalked the break room at Jefferys Genetics Research Lab. Months of effort to catch him produced no result.
Still, such things always work themselves out.
Dr. Hans Michener typified the absentminded yet brilliant scientist. He studied the rare Martinside Squid. Newly hatched individuals could survive astonishingly high concentrations of acid. Additionally, the paralarvae could, and would, eat almost anything. They made piranha look like rank amateurs.
Michener ate in the break room, petri dish of Martinside egg sacs beside him. As he ate a cup of Hell’s Fury Chili, thousands of tiny squid began to hatch. Michener needed to feed them at once. Thinking fast, he dumped them into the chili. Just then, he received a call. A different test had completed. Absentmindedly, Michener forgot the squid and rushed out.
Milton the security guard slipped into the empty break room. That curiously boiling over cup of chili looked SO enticing…
In the lab, Michener received another call. “Yes? Really? Well, how would I know why Milton is dissolving?”
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Written for Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers: https://flashfictionforaspiringwriters.wordpress.com/2017/08/14/fffaw-challenge-week-of-august-15-2017/
Author’s Notes:
Martinside Squid are pure fiction, but Humboldt Squid are real and quite terrifying:
“Humboldt squid are among the largest of squids, reaching a mantle length of 1.5 m (4.9 ft). They have a reputation for aggression towards humans, though this behavior may possibly only be manifested during feeding times.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humboldt_squid
Paralarvae: the term for baby squid.
https://www.reference.com/pets-animals/baby-squid-called-886143074211abaf
Alec Jeffreys: “…was the scientist who invented DNA fingerprinting; a technology that has many applications such as solving crimes, paternity testing, and resolving immigration disputes. It was first used in the courtroom in 1986.”
http://www.brighthub.com/science/genetics/articles/36590.aspx
EagleAye
Momus News 
A severe bit of comeuppance, even for a food thief.
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It is severe. It’s really an accident. No one sought him out for that punishment. He’s an object lesson. Don’t eat something when you don’t know where it came from.
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I’d feel sorry for Milton, but stealing people’s food from the office lunch room should be a capital offense. You steal my lunch and force me to eat of the vending machine just once and that’s it: piranha squid larvae for you, buddy.
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Haha! I feel sorry for him too. At worst, he should’ve been fired. Food thieves should receive a severe reprimand at minimum. His own foul habits caught up with him in a big way. He did it to himself in the end. Genetics labs can be dangerous places. 😉 Thanks Joy!
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I get the feeling that someone who just eats whatever they find lying around doesn’t really understand the “lab” part of where he works! 😀
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😀 Hehe. So true!
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Hahahahaha! That’s one way to find the food thief and get rid of him at the same time! LOL! Great story! Thanks for all the interesting side information too.
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Yep. Milton got rid of himself in the end. “Something” was going to get him eventually. 😉 Thanks so much!
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Yes, like you said, Karma!
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It’s too bad he decided to eat something that did not belong to him , and suffered because of it. When the word gets out….everyone’s food will be safe without a watchful eye on it! I worked in a place where people would eat other peoples food, but that stopped when a (possibly rumor) got out that a laxative was intentionally put in a food item that was in the office refrigerator!
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There’s several food thieves where my wife works. I suggested to my wife that she put a laxative in some food. That’s a classic counter-move. She didn’t want to do it though. I would, and I would have a good laugh too. 😉 Thanks much! 🙂
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A somewhat drastic way to deal with the problem but no doubt it worked! Excellent
Click to read my story
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It is, but Milton did it to himself. He’s got his own bad habits to blame. Thanks Keith!
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Milton should have just stuck to stealing ham and cheese sandwiches, not weird looking Chilis. Fantastic bit of imagination there, EA.
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Thank you! Yeah, weird chili is definitely off the menu. Green ham too. 😉
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What a great take. I am actually laughing out loud. (don’t know what this says about my personality)
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Hehe. Maybe it says you enjoy humor, even dark humor? I’m just glad you laughed. That’s the idea. Thanks kindly! 🙂
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Great story! A real absent-minded professor!
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Hehe. Thank you! He really is. Food thieves: beware of absent minded scientists! 😉
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Uh Oh! Well, Milton is now liquified. He should have known better than to nick people’s food.
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Right? Never eat anything when you’re not completely sure where it came from. Even cavemen knew that. 😉 Thanks much! 🙂
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Haha food humor 😬
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Thanks!
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Milton should ingest just stuck to stealing gammon and high mallow sandwiches, not unearthly looking Chilis. Haha nutrient temper 😬
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