Food Karma

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A food thief stalked the break room at Jefferys Genetics Research Lab. Months of effort to catch him produced no result.

Still, such things always work themselves out.

Dr. Hans Michener typified the absentminded yet brilliant scientist. He studied the rare Martinside Squid. Newly hatched individuals could survive astonishingly high concentrations of acid. Additionally, the paralarvae could, and would, eat almost anything. They made piranha look like rank amateurs.

Michener ate in the break room, petri dish of Martinside egg sacs beside him. As he ate a cup of Hell’s Fury Chili, thousands of tiny squid began to hatch. Michener needed to feed them at once. Thinking fast, he dumped them into the chili. Just then, he received a call. A different test had completed. Absentmindedly, Michener forgot the squid and rushed out.

Milton the security guard slipped into the empty break room. That curiously boiling over cup of chili looked SO enticing…

In the lab, Michener received another call. “Yes? Really? Well, how would I know why Milton is dissolving?”

Written for Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers:

Author’s Notes:

Martinside Squid are pure fiction, but Humboldt Squid are real and quite terrifying:
“Humboldt squid are among the largest of squids, reaching a mantle length of 1.5 m (4.9 ft). They have a reputation for aggression towards humans, though this behavior may possibly only be manifested during feeding times.”

Paralarvae: the term for baby squid.

Alec Jeffreys: “…was the scientist who invented DNA fingerprinting; a technology that has many applications such as solving crimes, paternity testing, and resolving immigration disputes. It was first used in the courtroom in 1986.”

About EagleAye

I like looking at the serious subjects in the news and seeking the lighter side of the issue. I love satire and spoofs. I see the ridiculous side of things all the time, and my goal is to share that light-hearted view.
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24 Responses to Food Karma

  1. James says:

    A severe bit of comeuppance, even for a food thief.

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      It is severe. It’s really an accident. No one sought him out for that punishment. He’s an object lesson. Don’t eat something when you don’t know where it came from.


  2. Joy Pixley says:

    I’d feel sorry for Milton, but stealing people’s food from the office lunch room should be a capital offense. You steal my lunch and force me to eat of the vending machine just once and that’s it: piranha squid larvae for you, buddy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahahahaha! That’s one way to find the food thief and get rid of him at the same time! LOL! Great story! Thanks for all the interesting side information too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. luckyjc007 says:

    It’s too bad he decided to eat something that did not belong to him , and suffered because of it. When the word gets out….everyone’s food will be safe without a watchful eye on it! I worked in a place where people would eat other peoples food, but that stopped when a (possibly rumor) got out that a laxative was intentionally put in a food item that was in the office refrigerator!

    Liked by 1 person

    • EagleAye says:

      There’s several food thieves where my wife works. I suggested to my wife that she put a laxative in some food. That’s a classic counter-move. She didn’t want to do it though. I would, and I would have a good laugh too. 😉 Thanks much! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. A somewhat drastic way to deal with the problem but no doubt it worked! Excellent

    Click to read my story

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Varad says:

    Milton should have just stuck to stealing ham and cheese sandwiches, not weird looking Chilis. Fantastic bit of imagination there, EA.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Nis says:

    What a great take. I am actually laughing out loud. (don’t know what this says about my personality)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. athling2001 says:

    Great story! A real absent-minded professor!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Uh Oh! Well, Milton is now liquified. He should have known better than to nick people’s food.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. esma999 says:

    Haha food humor 😬

    Liked by 1 person

  11. amaranto es says:

    Milton should ingest just stuck to stealing gammon and high mallow sandwiches, not unearthly looking Chilis. Haha nutrient temper 😬

    Liked by 1 person

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